I recently got into a large argument with some colleagues.
First, I got into a new relationship with a great man, except his best friend (female) has an issue about it. I believe she has feelings for him, but when I confronted her, she denied it and now hates me even more.
Because my guy and I knew she'd flip out if she found out about us, we decided to keep quiet about our relationship. She found out anyway, and is now even angrier because we lied about it.
Worse, she found out because my supposed good friend blabbed rumours about us to her, even though I hadn't told her anything.
How can I fix this and have a semi-sane social life back?
- Emotionally Drained
Stop the drama. Hiding your dating because his friend would get upset was ill-conceived and allotted her too much influence on your relationship; it also created much of this office rumour-mongering.
Be open about dating each other, but save any public displays of affection for outside the workplace.
Your "supposed" good friend obviously loves gossip, and was trying to out you. She's succeeded; remember that before you share any private details.
As for his "best friend," he should apologize for not being honest with her, and you should make an effort to befriend her.
This is one friendship he shouldn't carry on without including you whenever possible, since it's clear she's got a thing for him.
Last November I started corresponding with a guy who contacted me through a dating web site; he started calling me (long distance) and within two weeks we agreed to meet.
On our first date, he was soon holding my hand and kissing me. We agreed to wait until after the holidays to get together again, but he pushed to meet again that week. We kept in touch every day, and then spent the weekend before New Year's together.
As I was leaving, he said he wasn't ready for a relationship; afterward.
Now he only emails me in response to my emails. I spent his birthday the day with him and he thanked me for his gifts by email.
Recently, I emailed that I needed a shoulder and he phoned me.
I'm wondering, is he worth waiting for or hoping he'll change his mind?
I know for a fact that he's not dated anyone since he met me.
We're both 47, and have had bad relationships.
Waiting and hoping won't achieve what you want.
He pushed for fast contact, rushed you toward spending a weekend together, then put up a wall.
His current emails are merely polite responses, and hint of nothing else.
Whatever his past experiences, this guy isn't ready to take a chance on anything committal, serious or long-term.
Hanging on for his scraps of interest would be a set-up for further frustration.
Even if he were to change his mind about getting together again, I suggest you be wary and make sure he's the one doing the pursuing.
Show that you're only interested in someone who's eager and excited to be with you.
I have a boyfriend but I always hear rumours about how he's a player and likes other girls.
But I shouldn't be the one to talk, because before we were together I'd flirt with a kid I liked and he liked me.
I still sort of like the kid but he won't talk to me now because I have a boyfriend.
What should I do? Oh, also the guy and I have been off and on; when we're off he has a girl then breaks with her and comes back to me.
Am I the rebound girl or are the other girls his rebounds?
- Who's Being Played?
This sounds like the classic comic riff of Bud Abbott and Lou Costello, called Who's on First?
But unlike that hilarious baseball joke, this real-life scenario tells me you're both only playing at dating and relationships.
So here's some advice about how to stay in a relationship, when and if you're truly ready for it: 1) you stop flirting with others just to tease them or stir up trouble; 2) if you're repeatedly "off and on," take a full break from the guy, because it isn't working. He's then entitled to date whomever he pleases, and so are you.
If you think you're someone's rebound girl, you probably are. So end it.
Tip of the day:
Secret relationships often have a way of suddenly exploding into full view.