I'm 22, and the guy I loved broke up with me five months ago. Our four-month relationship was full of passion!
The intimacy was great, though we had issues. He smoked weed, and I nagged about that for quite a while.
He had a calm, quiet temperament, and I’m louder and more edgy. I had to tame myself to get attention from him, or he’d keep to himself, almost reserved.
We did butt heads a lot. I had very little patience, and I wanted more of his love consistently. But he’d fall short.
I never really accepted who he was. I thought I could bring more out of him. I was annoyed and upset a lot, unwilling to communicate with him.
He did small dumb things consistently and didn't see the big deal, which I did.
He broke it off, though I really wanted to make it work.
I miss him SO much. I’m unhappy that I couldn't get another chance to make it right.
I didn't cut my ex out of my life completely and was just all over the place with my new boyfriend. Once he broke it off, I started reflecting on it ALL.
How can I see a brighter future ahead? I'm unsure if I'm going to find this level of passion for a man again.
You’ll certainly feel passion again, because it’s within YOU in a big, expressive way. Whether you’ll choose a man who can handle your demands for attention, is less clear.
After all, you expected responses from this guy very early on, that you knew went against his nature.
Fortunately, you’re young and eager to learn to make relationships not turn out this way.
So, forget this guy and move on. He wisely knew the situation simply didn’t work for him.
Start to be more realistically selective in your dating. You don’t need a man who’s just like you, but you do need someone who appreciates your enthusiastic approach.
You also need to pay more attention to the other person’s personality style and needs, to see if you and he can connect with respect for both sides.
When that works, passion’s a mutual reward.
I’m late-30s and met a man (same-age) whom I thought was The One. He’s been unhappily married for years, and felt he’d found his soul-mate in me.
He left his wife, moved on his own, and began a joint custody routine with his two sons. We expected to move together in time.
Then suddenly it all changed, through his guilt about his sons, and comments from his family about abandoning his responsibility.
He pulls away emotionally for days, then comes to see me, distraught. I can’t resist him.
I feel like “booty” call, which is the last thing I want for us.
Do I cut the tie completely, though it’ll devastate me?
His guilt reaction is normal at this stage. Reality’s set in, he’s not living with his sons as before, despite joint custody. He may still hope to have a future with you but, for now, the change in his life is overwhelming.
Give him the space he needs to work this through. Suggest that he talk to a counsellor on his own, and takes a month without popping in and out of your life.
Say that you can’t just be “booty.” If he can come to terms with his divorce process, you’ll be his partner in a life that includes his sons.
Our daughter has shocked us with her behaviour to our grandchildren, ages three and four. She’s cold and distant, leaving them to daycare and babysitters for hours at a time, even on weekends.
She and her husband, who’s also a cold type, eat separately or go out. They seem to have enough money but not much heart!
We’ve asked to babysit the kids overnight on weekends. But she allows us only limited time with them.
What can we do to provide some warmth in these children’s lives?
Be yourselves, warm when you see them, without openly criticizing their parents, lest they cut contact.
If you can talk with your daughter, gently probe whether she’s happy in her life, and if not, suggest counselling. A good therapist would soon discover that parenting guidance is also needed.
These two may be miserable with each other, or uncomfortable and lacking confidence with youngsters.
Tip of the day:
Demanding attention doesn’t work long-term, but compromising on personality styles can bind a couple together.