I'm currently expecting a baby and have told my husband that I’d prefer we not have hospital visitors right after the baby’s born.
I prefer instead to wait until we’re settled back at home.
Due to complications with a previous pregnancy, I’ll be having a scheduled caesarian section.
My husband thinks it's no big deal to have hospital guests because people will want to see the baby the day it’s born or next day.
Unless there are complications, we'll be discharged from the hospital 48-hours after the birth. I think the grandparents can wait two days.
But he’s dead set on our parents and siblings coming to visit.
He’s said that if I'm not up for visitors, he can take the baby in the hallway to meet people there.
I know from previous pregnancies that I'm not up for guests and would rather wait until we're home.
Now I'm dead set against visitors, and he's having them at the hospital regardless of my feelings.
At an Impasse
There’s more needed here than deciding which of you is right or wrong.
Many people would believe that the decision should be yours, as the one experiencing surgery. Also, you’ve borne the physical and emotional effects of the pregnancy.
But it’s his baby, too.
He also carries emotional concerns about you, this coming baby, and his responsibilities as a father.
Logic also plays a part. At home just two days later, there’s a lot of settling in happening for the baby and yourself.
That would make getting the initial visits over with at the hospital seem sensible and easier, especially if visits are limited.
But it seems there’s more going on, because your husband’s so adamant.
Maybe the relationship with his side of the family isn’t as smooth as he’d like. Maybe, if this is the first successful pregnancy, he feels even more emotional about becoming a Dad than you’ve realized.
Or, maybe you’re both naturally anxious and stressed as the event gets closer.
Talk it through together, calmly. Listen to each other’s feelings, not just the words. If you’re still at loggerheads, ask your doctor’s advice based on experience with hospital visitors.
When my daughter moved to a strange city, I suggested that she approach my long-ago high-school boyfriend for a job.
He’s become very successful in the field in which she’s interested.
I was very happy for her when he hired her. She’s very happy with her job.
But things got awkward when, at their staff party, her boss confided in her that he still has strong feelings for me.
It’s kind of weird for her now.
Should I contact him and have a talk with him? We’re both married. I’m flattered, but I’m not a home-wrecker.
Your daughter lives away and has a job, meaning that she’s an adult.
Her boss’s “confession” was inappropriate and you can tell her so, though she probably already knows this.
Your advice to her should be to not get cornered into any discussion about you, or your past with him, or your current life with your husband.
(It’s no excuse for him, but it’s likely that a party atmosphere and alcohol caused his loose lips. OR, it was a potential start to him hitting on her).
If he attempts any further inappropriate conversation, she should say something polite but final, e.g. “That’s not an appropriate topic that I want to talk about.”
I'm almost 12 and believe that I look overweight. But I read that your weight might not be unhealthy for others but could be for you.
The Internet says to eat healthier foods and lay off fatty and oily foods.
It's easy for me to eat the healthy food since I'm not picky, but it’s really hard for me to avoid fatty and oily foods.
What Should I Do?
Sitting focused on computers and devices needs to be balanced by moderate physical activity, for you to look and feel healthy.
Start a sport or find an age-appropriate exercise program online, plus walk and use stairs whenever possible.
With the increased energy, make your healthy foods choices interesting (e.g. add fruit and protein to salads) and enjoy them.
Allow yourself one moderate-size treat a day (e.g. one modest pizza slice). Note: A fast-food burger and fries is excessive fatty/oily food to have regularly. Allow yourself only one of those weekly.
Tip of the day:
Probe the reasons for opposing emotions, apply logic and understanding, and/or ask a neutral professional who’s aware of the issue.