I’m a male recently coming to terms with my sexual orientation, bisexual. I’ve been involved with a female for one year; prior to that I was involved on and off with a same-sex partner, but ended with him because of my current relationship. I’m trying to remain friends with him, but he’s unwilling and jealous.
He’ll only remain friends if I tell all to my current girlfriend. He was upset by the break-up as I was then working through my sexuality.
I’m not ready and don't know if and when I will be, to tell my current partner. But I don't want to lose a friendship either.
- Caught In-Between
Any “friendship” that’s offered with strings attached, is less than a mutual relationship. This guy resents your right to find your own comfort zone; his jealousy is causing him to make unreasonable and intrusive demands that you’re not ready to meet.
It’s up to you to decide when to be more open with your girlfriend about your past relationships. You may choose yourself to do that, as you get closer and more trusting of the relationship, but first and foremost, you need to feel secure about how you feel about your sexual orientation.
I say, end it completely with this guy; he wants to stir up trouble for you.
I’m engaged to a fantastic man; our relationship has been long distance until recently, but I’m moving so that we’ll be together.
My sons are 29 and 25, and very happy for us.
His children are teens and live with their mother. They see their father once every other month (due to living 1400 miles apart).
My fiancé calls them every day, but they never return his calls unless they want something. His ex-wife has their son, 13, call him when she wants extra money.
They visited my house last Christmas, and were rude and demanding, making it stressful for everyone. I stayed in my bedroom as they monopolized the computer and TV. They ignored me unless they wanted something. I was so very angry, but didn't want to say anything to my fiancé to hurt his feelings or ruin his stay.
This past Father’s Day, his kids didn't even send him a card, though they’d recently been with him in Texas and Mexico for two weeks!
My fiancé blames their lack of appreciation on his ex-wife. I hate to see him hurt and want to call up his selfish spoiled little brats and tell them what I think of them.
This is starting to affect our relationship.
Two words of advice: Empathy; Restraint.
Part of your efforts toward this move together should be developing some understanding of these kids’ position, so you can start to work with them when they’re in your life.
It’s not easy for teenagers living with a mother who puts their father down, or only seeks money from him, to rise above the example. Nor is it easy to welcome a new woman into their already disrupted lives, especially if their mother has made them worry about what this means financially and otherwise. They need thoughtful guidance, which is a role you can provide along with their father.
He’ll far more appreciate your help in setting boundaries and helping teach appreciation, than for you to mouth off at his kids.
Curb your negative attitude with restraint, or you’ll have bigger problems together than you had when living apart.
I'm a senior high school student, with my boyfriend for 10 months; his best friend’s girlfriend seems sick of their relationship.
She often plans to get together with my boyfriend, with or without others.
He usually agrees since they've known each other for five years.
I'm invited to come along, but they usually get together when I'm busy or they talk about past parties etc. I feel jealous and hurt every time they’re together.
She's also very beautiful and funny.
Jealousy only wastes your energy; instead, nip any secret takeover plans this girl may have by letting your guy know that you think she’s cooling off from his pal.
He’ll not want to be seen as coming between his best friend’s relationship. But he also won’t want to hear that you’re so insecure about yours.
Try to join in more often and be yourself, he chose you.
Tip of the day:
When an ex comes up with rules for staying “friends,” you can expect there’ll be further demands.