Three months ago, I cheated on my boyfriend of eight months - twice with the same guy.
I really liked the boy but couldn’t bring myself to break up with my boyfriend. I loved him too much.
He learned to forgive me, but later found out I’d cheated on him even before this other guy.
My boyfriend’s still with me. I just want to know how he’s feeling because he never tells me.
I want to know how to fix it; I want things to start being okay.
Confused and Upset
It takes more than wishing and wanting to keep a relationship.
Love requires loyalty, trust, and grown-up self-control.
You’re not too young for sex, and what you consider to be love. So get real and recognize that you’re creating repeated dramas by recklessly cheating.
Your guy sounds a gem, but his capacity to forgive isn’t endless. If you push him to say how he feels about your having sex with two other guys, he’ll realize you’re making a fool of him.
Apologize. And stop messing around.
My daughter's father literally lives right behind our home. He hasn’t spoken to her or me in 18 months.
Recently, she was playing outside and saw her father chipping ice on his driveway.
She tried to get his attention with little success. He knew she was there as he’d looked over at her, but continued to ignore her.
Now she’s expressing interest in spending time with him even though telephone calls requesting that have previously gone unanswered.
I’m currently married and my daughter refers to my husband as Daddy. From the time she could understand I’ve told her that she has two dads and it’s okay to love them both.
I’ve also contacted him privately reminding him that his daughter would like to see him. He hasn't returned my calls.
I’ve been amicable with him; he was not around during the pregnancy.
I only wanted to keep the line of contact open.
What should I say when my daughter wants to see her biological daddy?
Much depends on her age. You told her about this reluctant Dad while young, and she’s clearly curious. But if she’s still very young, she’s not yet deeply hurt by his indifference.
That will change, especially toward pre-adolescence, and she’ll need major and thoughtful support from you and her “real” Daddy who’s raising her with you.
Talk soon to a child-oriented therapist about what to say to her now, and what to expect at each age.
Be realistic about this man’s disinterest. It’s pretty thick, since he can ignore visible tries for attention.
Ask the therapist how to prevent her from much-deeper hurt, if she makes contact on her own and is rebuffed. She’ll need ongoing reassurance.
Dating scares me. I’m female, 56, fairly good-looking, and divorced six years.
I’m interested in dating. I tried on-line, never met up with anyone, never felt comfortable.
I think I have a realistic idea of what dating over 50 means. I don't go to bars.
My friends say I’m great, beautiful, yet no dates. What can I change or do?
Whatever you “change,” such as your guarded attitude about dating at 50, stay true to yourself and your values.
So bars don’t suit you. But meet-up groups within a defined age spread would be fine. These are happening in many locales. Search them out.
Also attend community events, with an open mind and friendly smile. You’ll meet new people who can widen your dating possibilities.
FEEDBACK Regarding the woman whose anger during relationship fights felt overwhelming (Jan. 23):
Reader – “I can identify with the writer.
“After my own anger would subside, I felt flawed by my over-reacting. I know that my anger comes from feeling out of control. It's an insecurity issue.
“My mom had the same problems and her anger and hurtful words drove my father out of my life as a child. She blamed him.
“When I became a woman and got married, the same thing happened to me. I pushed my husband away, which led to divorce.
“It took time, but I figured out what my problem was and have made a complete turnaround. I’m remarried now for over ten years.
“Marriage and relationships are constant work, and once you realize you can't always win every argument, the better your relationship will be.”
Ellie – Thanks for sharing how, by conquering insecurity, you can have a happier relationship.
Tip of the day:
Repeated cheating can rarely be repeatedly forgiven.