We’ve been married for 25 years, together for 28. Before we met, he was involved with another woman, which resulted in a child. This woman moved far away when their daughter was a baby, effectively cutting all ties.

Around ten years ago, when his daughter reached adulthood, she contacted her father and they now have a relationship which I’ve actively encouraged.

Recently, while on Face Book, my news-feed indicated that he and the girl's mother (his ex) had become "friends."

When questioned, he said she had sent the friend request. I questioned her motive in wanting to come back into his life after so long (she’s now single) and his motive for accepting the friend request.

He thinks I’m being petty and jealous, but I'm not buying it.... I could use another opinion on this.

Upset

You two need to have a different conversation. You’re concerned that he might (even unwittingly) be drawn into “remember-when” conversations, and a closer reconnection because of their daughter. Say this to him, without accusing him of doing something wrong in accepting her “friend” request.

Also, acknowledge openly that your concern does make you suspect her. If he wants to call that “jealousy,” so be it. He should be pleased that after 28 years together, you still care that much.

BUT, there’s nothing “petty” about your feelings and you need to say this, too.

Then listen to why he wants to be connected to her, and ask what boundaries he’s putting on the friendship. Example: He shouldn’t meet with her without you present, unless there’s a strong reason. He should be introducing you as his wife and the woman who’s encouraged the relationship with his daughter.

Dear Readers: I invite you to weigh in here. Some of you have experienced similar complex relationships, and may bring other insights to help this woman or at least add to her thinking on this situation.

With the father-daughter relationship established, all the players - the man, his wife, his ex, and their daughter - will have more knowledge about each other, and more opportunities to affect each other. So send in YOUR thoughts!

FEEDBACK Regarding the woman who wanted to get rid of her fiancé’s two dogs (April 21) and the mainly outraged reaction of readers (May 15):

Reader – “I love dogs, we have four.

“Yet I had similar problems with my in-laws’ dogs when my husband and I moved into their place. They bit everything that moved, barked at everyone – familiar plus strangers.

“More than once, I wished those animals away. Especially since I’d hear, “You don't even try to like them,” from my husband. I was totally overwhelmed. They'd never been properly socialized or had any training. They weren't even potty-trained.

“I cried a lot, more angry with my husband for expecting me to fix these problems (I was unemployed then) without any help from him or his parents.

“Now, four years and two dogs later, everything’s changed. They’re potty-trained and slowly getting better with people and other dogs. They're not perfect but what I've learned is, they really just want to be loved and cared for. They also just love you, no matter what.

“So I do hope that the writer will take an active part WITH her husband in those dogs’ lives and not give them away.

“To all those dog-lovers who criticized the writer, unless you’ve been in this situation with no back up from your partner, re-think your outrage.”

FEEDBACK Regarding the woman who justifies her controlling behaviour, based on her Myers-Briggs INFP personality type (May 12):

Reader – “I once worked for a large company which tested all employees. After receiving their results, some co-workers experienced cognitive dissonance (discomfort due to holding conflicting beliefs).

“I discussed it with my professor, a PhD in psychology, and since thought about it a lot.

“The focus of the M-B result is simply four letters (e.g. she was INFP = Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, Perceiving). But these don’t show where a person sits between extremes of, say, introvert and extravert. So it’s difficult to see how this has value, since behaviour’s also influenced by circumstances.

“The “type” may be doing some harm by causing the writer to rely on M-B alone, regarding her own actions.”

Ellie – Good point. By defining herself through this system’s labels, she’s ignored her brother’s personality, which rejects her controls.