During a recent ice storm, my family (husband, me, our three kids aged six, seven, and nine, and my mother-in-law) lost power for six days.
When my husband and I decided, on the second day, that our fireplace wasn't enough to keep us home, let alone host Christmas dinner (which included my brother and his wife), we asked my brother and sister-in-law to take us in until power was restored.
I said we’d bring food, blankets, and air mattresses. He declined, saying that having lost our parents this year, he and his wife wanted a "quiet family Christmas."
Generously, our closest friend welcomed us, and we turned an emergency into an adventure.
My brother did text on Christmas Day, wishing us a happy Christmas and asking if we had power. I responded, "not yet," but he didn't enquire where we were or if we were safe.
I’m hurt that he turned us away. We aren't close, but we make efforts to get together several times a year, and enjoy it.
My husband strongly feels that if my brother experiences an emergency situation, we should act first and show him the empathy he should’ve shown us.
I’m too angry and would prefer to end contact with him for now.
How do I move past this? I don't want to feel rejected any longer.
If he hadn’t raised grief as his reason, there’d appear to be too little sibling relationship worth maintaining.
But people grieve in unique ways. You two aren’t close and he – very ungenerously – apparently felt that the first Christmas after this loss, would be too difficult to share with so many others.
You’re rightfully hurt. Especially, since you’d invited them for Christmas dinner.
Fortunately, the response of friends and your husband’s attitude are admirable, especially as a model for your children.
Rise above disappointment in your brother, accepting that you’ll likely never be emotionally close.
But ending contact will just prolong negative feelings in you, which are unhealthy. The incident is over.
Three months ago, I met a boy from Philadelphia, in New York. We were there two nights for a competition and I fell in love with him that quickly.
Things got pretty serious over that last day. He’s absolutely perfect in every way.
But he lives far away from me and I won’t see him again until next year’s competition.
I’m too young to travel by myself. I miss him so much and think about him every day.
I found out he had (has) a girlfriend, and feel betrayed, but it doesn’t change my feelings for him. I just feel more hopeless.
There’s no one here to distract me or help me get over him.
How can I make it through nine more months of missing him?
What To Do?
Being “too young to travel alone” reveals a lot. This guy is your first wild crush, first out-of-town flash romance, first guy who fed you a line (since he had/has a girlfriend). And you bought it totally.
Trust me, over the next nine months you’ll feel more annoyed about what happened, hear different views from friends, meet other guys. I’m betting you’ll be less bowled over when you see him again.
Recognize that, since he had a girlfriend, getting “pretty serious that last day,” was him taking advantage of you.
He sounds less wonderful already.
Instead of needing someone to help you get over him, distract yourself… with school, sports, music, and friends.
The next time you see him, you’ll be smarter, and less excited about someone who played you.
My husband’s using social media to contact someone to whom he’s very attracted. Years ago, he broke up with me briefly because of her, but did eventually marry me.
We’ve since been together for 30 years (quite happily), but I’m bothered that he still seems infatuated with her and insists on this contact.
If it hurts and bothers me so much, shouldn't he refrain from it? It’s been our sore subject for many years.
Somehow, you’ve otherwise been happy with him, despite this contact. Somehow, he’s stayed in the marriage, though he’s kept up contact.
So this has been a taunting point, perhaps his (childish) way of getting back at you over other disagreements.
Yes, he should stop. It’s unkind to you, even mean. But unless you’re aware of a deeper power struggle, I suggest you change your reaction to a silent “who-cares.”
With no controversy, he might decide, why bother?
Tip of the day:
Rising above sibling’s distance is healthier response.