My boyfriend of 18 months and I were set up after we both experienced bad breakups. Things were initially really good, but he now wavers on how serious he is about me.
He originally wanted to move in together, but then decided he didn't.
He's also busy with his aspiring career. He'll back out of plans last minute and has stopped any effort to get to know my friends and family, yet expects me to spend time with his.
He works with many young females at his part-time job, but hasn't introduced me to any, and didn't invite me to his staff party. He also lied about texting a co-worker.
When he's emotionally distant, I clam up emotionally myself.
When I raise my insecurities he says I'm reading things into it.
This isn't my first serious relationship and I want to get a grasp on whether we could go the distance or I'm wasting my time.
Every relationship takes time to assess, so this isn't unusual in itself. It's also common for people to rush into a sense of continuity - e.g. talking about the future - then become more realistic about current career plans.
However, there are enough reasons here for you to take a few steps back - i.e. his not introducing you to work-mates IF they are also friends, and his disinterest in your family and friends.
Suggest a break and watch his reaction. Do NOT stress your insecurity... it's about what he's not doing, not about your reaction, which is understandable (so long as you don't easily overreact).
If he accepts the break immediately, be prepared to take six months apart, with both of you dating others. This relationship hasn't been a waste, but it needs a re-think, with mutually agreed plans if you re-connect.
Our daughter, 32, is still living at home and shows no intention of going forward. She's been in a relationship for 11 years, they were engaged four years ago, but he got cold feet and the nuptials never materialized.
My concern is that she continues with the relationship, though, to my eyes, it remains stagnant. They both live in their respective parent's homes and show no intentions on moving out. They go out, spend some weekends together, but go back to their parents.
She tells us she's going to speak to him, but I don't think these conversations occur. Though she frequents his house and family events, we haven't seen him in over two years.
We've asked her to pay rent but that hasn't materialized. Any thoughts?
I have many thoughts, and I'm sure my readers will too!
But instead of dealing with her relationship with this invisible boyfriend, you need to deal with yours with your daughter.
Consider her mental health image closely: Whether it's possible there really is a boyfriend still, or she's dealing with a phantom due to embarrassment and depression at being dumped.
Does she work? If she can afford rent, but refuses to pay, you need to weigh whether she's capable of living independently or is stuck in dependency and the possible depression I've raised.
YOU, as parents, need to be the ones to "move forward" now, in realistically seeing your daughter's state of mind. You must gently but firmly confront her with her needs for personal counseling and steps towards independence. Assure her of your support through this, but do not back down and leave things in the current unhealthy situation for everyone.
I'm a male, 19, who currently likes a lady, who's 20. The problem is, she has a two-year-old son. Should I try to pursue a relationship or do you think it could damage her son?
If your concern is really for the child, tell this lady of your interest, and ask her if she feels ready to handle a relationship while raising such a young boy.
If she's mutually attracted, then the two of you need to discuss the boundaries and responsibilities you'd have with her son. If you're inexperienced with children, you'd have to be willing to learn what "involvement" means in terms of his safety and emotional well being.
BUT, if dating her appears a "problem" because of how it affects you personally, forget it. Youngsters need a lot of love, attention, and allowances for adjustment to new situations. Otherwise, the whole relationship with him and his mom won't work.
Tip of the day:
If your "insecurity" comes from a partner's emotional distance, the relationship needs re-tooling.