So, this is weird, but I can't stop thinking about it.
I had to see the doctor regularly for check-ups, and he’s quite young - maybe 23/24 - and not that good-looking, not my type.
But he was just so nice, with personality. The more I went there, the more I liked him, and we got on. But obviously, I'm his patient.
I dreaded my last check-up, because I then couldn’t look forward to seeing him every month.
After that last time, I felt like I’d embarrassed myself and that he didn't really want to see me anymore.
It upset me for a long time. I found him on Instagram, but it's private, so I was annoyed.
I’m sad that I'll never see him again because he's not my actual family doctor.
I felt like following him but I think he'd find that weird. If he blocked me, it’d make me feel worse.
It’s been two weeks and I just can't get him out of my head. I think about him all day. What do I do?
Carry on with your normal life and this crush will pass.
Lucky you to have had a doctor who’s kind and attentive. It’s an important part of helping you heal.
But maybe because he was also young, you felt a meaning that wasn’t there.
So you built the crush in your mind, and that’s fine, because it also helped your spirits.
But it’s not real.
Instead of hanging onto the crush, focus your energy and thoughts on making your daily life as positive as you can.
Reader’s Commentary – “Some people believe that in the South Asian community, it’s normal for a groom or his family to ask for a dowry.
“The dowry is a gift that parents choose to give to their daughter based on what they can afford.
“It is nobody's right to ask for it, just as inheritance is not a right.
“I consider myself very lucky to have been raised by my father as if he had three sons (we are two sisters and a brother).
“He taught me to stand up for myself and that no one should ever be able to take advantage of me.
“He did not believe in dowry. He believed in providing the best education to us so that we would not depend on anybody.
“He said that money can be stolen or lost, however no one can steal education.
“This was his vision 50 years ago.
“I have a PhD degree from India, as does my husband. I moved to Canada at 29 with my husband and baby son.
“We upgraded ourselves while working at jobs that we could get.
“My husband refused to take a single rupee from my parents. It’s not an arranged marriage.
“My parents insisted instead on giving me a gift of money to start a new life when I got married.
“The biggest gift I received wasn’t just my education but also the gift to recognize my abilities and how they shaped me to become a person with high self-esteem and self- respect.
“My parents also didn’t request a dowry for their son.
“So, it’s normal for parents to give a gift but not normal for anyone to ask.
“I know countless stories where the bride or the bride’s family walked away as soon as the groom's family asked for a dowry.
“These young women have self-respect. Kudos to the parents who raised these girls.”
FEEDBACK Regarding the writer who “impulsively” asked her professor why papers hadn’t been marked after three weeks (April 13):
Reader – “Her email wording may’ve not been appropriate but it’s totally legitimate to ask why the work hasn’t been evaluated and returned.
“The writer shouldn’t be on a guilt trip because she made an inquiry.
“Students get discouraged because most assignments do have deadlines they must meet.
“Professors are not gods and should be accountable to their students for delays in evaluating their work. A three-week wait is too long.
“It’s important to find the courage to follow up when delays aren’t reasonable.”
Ellie – If possible, asking a question in person, privately, at the end of a class, would be a better communication strategy.
You’re correct that students have a right to ask, but a dashed-off email’s tone can be off-putting.
The writer was actually seeking advice about curbing her frequent impulsivity, which is what I addressed.
Tip of the day:
There’s a difference between a “weird” fantasy and a passing crush.