I’m still reeling from a horrific split from my husband of five years, and struggling to make sense of a crazy situation.
The first three years together were wonderful, with no signs he had a problem.
Two years ago he became controlling, emotionally abusive, angry, and paranoid – sporadically at first, but then more often and more severely.
One minute he’d be fine, the next he’d threaten to leave me.
Yet there were also lots of wonderful times.
We’d recently been away together and had plans for another trip soon. We were still very affectionate and slept together.
He told me I was wonderful and he was madly in love. However, upon waking one morning, his mood shifted again. He was angry and stonewalled me without explanation for over a week.
During this time, he frequently barricaded himself in a room, hid his computer, blared music and the TV, avoiding me completely, and regularly videoed me.
He barely spoke, but one day hurled a ton of bizarre but untrue accusations at me.
It ended when he just packed up and moved his stuff out without explanation. I have no idea where he went and haven’t heard from him since.
I admit I’d been living with his mood swings, emotional abuse, and bizarre behaviour for some time, but I had a hard time letting go and always hoped for the wonderful times to return. Sadly, this time it was not to be.
I’ve been in counselling for some time and had tried to get him to see counsellors and medical professionals, but he refused.
I’m struggling to understand how he loved me two weeks ago, but now he hates me and can't stand to be married.
I wanted answers or at least some compassion from him, but he’s angry towards me and keeps saying this was my doing.
I have no idea if he has a mental health disorder or just faked it as a way to exit the marriage.
Everyone tells me the answers don't matter and I just need to be happy and relieved that he's out of my life, but how do I move on when I don't have closure?
Was Our Relationship A Lie?
Until you learn whatever diagnosis he eventually gets, or hear a plausible explanation from him, there’ll be no answer that gives you certain closure.
But you do have a much-needed end to living with his bizarre behaviour swings. You must know in your heart and mind – and your counsellor undoubtedly tells you – this was not your fault.
The good times weren’t a lie. He was the husband you knew then, but something changed him.
There are a number of potential causes of how he changed moods abruptly, involving possible physical and/or psychological factors.
But none can be pinpointed until he seeks medical and counselling help for himself.
Closure has to come from finding your own peace of mind that nothing you could’ve done, would’ve made this turn out differently.
You couldn’t force him to get help.
If you can reach his family and alert them to explore what’s going on, do so for his sake… unless you have reason to believe that will trigger a bad reaction.
Meanwhile, focus on your own well-being.
Spend time only with supportive people and insist that they allow you to mourn what’s lost.
Devote yourself to healing through counselling, fitness, and a belief that this is about him, not you, or your relationship.
My husband and I filed our taxes together this year. Normally, I’d get $6800-$7000 back as a single mom with daycare and other child-related and investment expenses.
(We live independently from the other because of work, and I had my daughter before we met.)
Now, under new legislation, all of the deductions will be given to my husband. I expect only $3000 back.
So he gets the financial reward for my financial responsibilities.
I manage all of my household bills on my own, as does he, at his home.
However, he could use the money he’ll get back. He’s not a very good money manager.
Also, he agreed to give me half of the entire amount we expect. My own home is in need of repairs and I could use the money too.
You two have chosen a lifestyle that works for your marriage, and this tax decision appears to be a mutually beneficial result.
Tip of the day:
Bizarre behaviour with mood swings may have medical and/or psychological causes that should be checked.