I’m 58 and living in Ottawa. A very attractive Florida woman, 40, answered my online profile.
She’s been widowed for three years. She seems sincere, and looking for something permanent. We’ve exchanged a couple of e-mails and seem interested in each other.
I’ve heard some horror stories about online dating. What red flags should I be looking for? Also, would you suggest waiting six months before we meet?
Looking for Love
I already see red flags.
1. A “couple of emails” tells you only bare details that can be true, false, or purposefully modified to suit your profile and emails.
2. Looking for love from a start-up position is a set-up for disappointment.
Look instead for a person you find interesting, good company, trustworthy, and reasonably attractive to you. Then, look for love with her.
You sound like a sincere, open, and warm man… just the kind that’s too-easily duped online. So NO, six months is way too long before meeting. And two emails is too soon.
Get onto Skype so you see her, and can believe it’s the same person who’s writing you, not a stand-in.
Be wary of any requests for money or help of any kind, even involving sending or carrying things across the border.
Neither of you should feel uncomfortable with a slow process here… if she is, be wary. Just say you’re not online with anyone else but you need to both be sure before doing anything.
When you arrange to meet (two months maximum), YOU be the one to travel there, see where she lives, how she lives, meet her family, and friends. And check your luggage before you go back home.
Some logic to ponder… a 40-year-old woman living in Florida would be likely to have some kind of job, a circle of friends. You are 18 years her senior, living in another country, in a city with cold winters. Why, after two emails, is she so interested? Think about it…
My sister’s very controlling and has placed my mother, 88, in a nursing home. We have joint power of attorney for Mom.
She’s not revealed where Mom will be.
I usually take her to Florida for six months a year to my condo, where I take care of her, administer her medication, make her meals, etc.
Mom was looking forward to our trip. I’m convinced that if my sister forces her into a nursing home it’ll end her life prematurely as she’s not good at change.
My sister insists she stay here, as when she gets accepted, she only has 24 hours to move there.
My mother has almost $90,000 in the bank but my sister claims she cannot afford Florida, which only costs her health insurance, plane ticket, and spending money. I own the condo.
My mother won't stop crying over this situation. My sister refuses to allow her access to her own money to finance her trip.
Get to a lawyer immediately (not the one your sister sees). With joint power of attorney, you should’ve been consulted. Also, if your mother’s mentally capable of refusing the nursing home, she should still not be forced in.
Even if the POA agreement somehow allows for any of this, you could threaten to sue your sister. My only caveat is to consider whether your mother’s capable of living on her own after Florida, or whether you need to consider getting a part-time caregiver for her – using her own money, if you can’t afford it - and augmented by your visits.
I'm a girl, 17,who gets good grades, has good friends, and a supporting family. I plan on continuing my educating as a pharmaceutical technician, and have the right goals in mind.
However, about six months ago something tragic happened to me and I'm having a hard time moving past it.
I would like to speak to my parents about sending me to a therapist but I'm not sure how to confront them about this.
You only need to tell them, because you do have supportive family.
Even if they don’t know about the tragedy, you should not be ashamed to speak up… whatever it was, you’re a good person with the right goals, so this was a blip on who you are as a person.
If private therapy’s not affordable, try accessing it through community agencies, or your school’s counselling contacts. Or, your doctor can refer you to a therapist.
Get that help as soon as possible.
Tip of the day:
Online dating requires early caution, and avoiding unrealistic expectations.