I love the holidays and getting together with family and friends.
Some people love the holidays because of the foods that we associate with certain times of the year. For me, I feel sick to my stomach when I think about Holiday Feasts.
I’m an overweight woman who has a very difficult time controlling my eating when tempted by large quantities of food and decadent desserts.
Everyone in my family knows that I attend a weekly weight-loss support group, yet they continue to bring foods that I’m boycotting into my home during the holiday season.
After celebrating Thanksgiving in Canada, I’d gained 4.3 pounds in a week. I failed to exercise control and now I’m beating myself up over it.
How can I tell people who are being kind that they’re sabotaging my weight loss and I’d prefer if they didn't bring anything?
Is it reasonable for me to say I’d rather have a floral centerpiece for the table than a double chocolate cheesecake?
How can I protect myself from these enablers?
Speak up and they’ll back off.
Of course, say you appreciate their kindness and would love them to bring flowers, fruit, salads (without creamy dressings), and décor items if they wish.
But all rich and fattening desserts are banned. So, too, rich sauces and calorie-laden side-dishes.
Say that you’ve been given health-based orders (not a lie, though they’re from your support group, not a doctor) to avoid those banned items.
If anyone still shows up with “contraband,” say thanks and put it in the fridge out of sight (still in a box if possible), and hand it back when they leave, with thanks.
I’ve been dating this woman for a few months and really like her a lot.
I even think this could be serious. But I made a terrible mistake when I commented how I liked her figure because there was “plenty to hold onto.”
I meant this as a compliment, like that I think she’s hot and always want to hold onto her and hug her.
I didn’t know that she was bulimic in her teens, which she hurled at me before rushing away in tears.
I thought I could explain my feelings, but she’s gone cold on me, and won’t take my calls even though I explained that I don’t at all think she’s fat.
I’ve apologized by text and phone message. I said that she’s perfect for me. But I’ve heard nothing back.
Is there no way that I can fix this?
Foot in Mouth
Read above. Weight and body image can be hugely sensitive topics, especially for those who had serious issues with weight or their perception of their body image, in their teens.
However, you didn’t know what a hot-button issue this was for her, as she hadn’t told you.
(But it’s commonly known that most people are at least somewhat sensitive about weight and you could’ve worded your intended flattery more diplomatically.)
Send her roses (most women will at least open the door to accept flowers). More important, include a handwritten note that says that had you known what events from her past had hurt her so deeply, you’d have been sensitive and respectful about them.
Add that you want to see her and apologize in person.
It may work. Or not, for a while.
She may need time to accept your apology. Or this happened too early in your dating for her to be open about her previous weight issues and her persistent discomfort.
I lease a vehicle through my small business. It was in our driveway when my live-in boyfriend worked on his own vehicle on a windy day.
He left his car door open, the wind caught it, and it hit my vehicle. He said, "Sorry.”
He estimates the repair cost for a paint mark and dent is $400.
We’ve argued because he says I should pay for it through my business, which he thinks can afford it more than he can.
I’m not rich and think he should pay for his negligence. I feel he’s bullying me into paying for his mistake. Is it worth the arguing to be right?
His negligence caused the damage. So he pays. HOWEVER, you’re not thinking as a couple.
If your business receives a tax deduction for business car expenses, figure out the savings to you.
Then he pays you that reduced amount, after which you pay for the repair.
Tip of the day:
Respect that weight is a personal and sensitive topic for many.