I’ve loved a girl I've known since Grade Three. I'm 28, so it's been 20 years this fall since we first met.
We "dated" in middle school, dated on and off in high school (every time I broke up with another girl, I seemed to always gravitate back to her).
She was a religious Christian so we never went beyond handholding.
She got a serious boyfriend in college and I enlisted in the military. She ended up marrying some other guy.
We kept in contact and I’d call her when I had girl issues. Later, I married someone (one reason was because she was married and I didn't have any chance with her anymore.)
Now, we're both divorced and live in two different states. She's currently dating someone, but I want to tell her that I've been in love with her for a long time.
We haven't talked in about four years, but I don't want to risk her getting married again.
How do I go about telling her I've been in love with her for so long, and reinitiate contact?
I thought about sending her the Cory Smith song "From a distance."
One Last Chance
Send the song. These words will surely initiate contact:
“I loved her from a distance
Like an angel watching from afar
I never had the nerve to mention
The fire burning in my heart”
Then call her and say you’d like to have the chance for both of you to see if the old spark can be re-kindled.
Even if she’s dating someone, all you’re asking for is an innocent meeting between old friends and you’re willing to travel to her city for that chance.
Otherwise, you’ll keep thinking about lost love and missed opportunities, which have become an ongoing obstacle in your own path towards finding a lasting relationship.
Just maybe, as the song goes, “This love can go the distance.”
My sister’s very reactive. When she has difficulties with her spouse or friends, she obsesses, grieves, complains, and eventually retreats, shutting everyone out.
She has a lot of great qualities but doesn’t handle conflict well.
I find her responses exhausting and have distanced from her.
She tries to contact me but watching her go through these episodes is exhausting.
I wish she was more stable and took things in stride more. She was always the “sensitive” one in our family.
She’s definitely the most religious one and has some very difficult events in her life.
But I'd love to see her learn some new skills on dealing with things that upset her, and getting a thicker skin.
Recently, someone at her church gave her some pushback and she assessed the situation as a threat to her family and left the church.
I'm concerned for her. She exhausts everyone around her.
Worried But Distant
It’s impossible to help her handle difficulties less intensely by staying remote.
Your sister has some valid reasons for her reactions, such as her sensitive nature.
Yes, she could benefit greatly from talking to a counsellor. But after years of her current pattern, she’d need some support to seek help and during the process.
She has to feel it’s about improving her life, not “fixing” her.
By expressing your concerns, you’ve shown that you care about her.
If you could soften your own reactions to her, you could still be the trusted sister who encourages her to get a new perspective on how to better handle stress, for her own sake.
A year ago, I met a long-distance girlfriend through friends. Our relationship was fantastic; we called each other daily.
After awhile, she moved near Oslo but still called me during several months. She said I’m her first boyfriend.
Now, she doesn’t always answer my calls. She says she was out without her phone, or it was silent, or she was asleep.
When I see her face on video, it’s totally changed. She cries.
When I asked her to meet up, she became nervous.
Also, she told me that she’s having strong abdominal cramps. What can I do?
She wants to end the contact. It’s hard to know why, and whether she has serious personal troubles she won’t share.
Encourage her to get medical care and help for whatever else is bothering her.
Accept that this long-distance online connection isn’t working for her. It’s about changed circumstances, not about you.
Tip of the day:
This old adage still applies in expressing feelings: “Nothing ventured, nothing gained.”