I’m 29, emigrated here at 13, am now a lawyer. My father’s an aggressive, violent alcoholic. My mother’s submissive.

I suffer extreme anxiety around people, low self-esteem, extreme insecurity, and am always scared.

My ex-boyfriend recently left me for the second time, because I’m of a different religion and he’s not ready for commitment.

When with him, my anxiety almost disappeared. Since he left, I’ve been in a depression. Work’s almost impossible, as facing people and speaking in public became too difficult.

Every day’s a huge challenge. I lost a lot of hair. I barely sleep. I was extremely sick and doctors say I either have Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS) or Crohn’s disease.

I’m considering moving to southern France where life’s calmer.

Need Inner Peace

IF you have a close relative/friend who can accompany you, a short-term vacation might benefit you.

BUT, it’d be unwise to travel alone now or move anywhere, while dealing with physical symptoms and deep depression.

Pursue a diagnosis of your stomach issues, as there are dietary changes required, and perhaps medication.

Your social anxiety is deep-rooted, likely stemming from a frightened childhood with a violent father.

You’ve achieved a challenging career, which demonstrates that you have inner strengths. Draw on these now, and enter a process of therapy before your depression blocks you.

You need professional help to find peace of mind now,and within yourself. Later you’ll be able to decide whether moving somewhere different on your own is a good idea.

I’m "the boyfriend" from your February 8^th column.

After a long, tumultuous marriage, my wife cheated on me three years ago. I did everything to save my marriage and family. She showed no remorse.

My girlfriend and I have solid future plans but some of the timing’s beyond our control. My divorce should be finalized by end of May, and I’ll move back to Canada to join her.

I’m trying to handle this divorce with minimal drama. (Wife has temper explosions).

I’ve never delayed a day in the process of trying to finally be with my girlfriend.

However, she repeatedly delayed visiting me (after I’ve visited her repeatedly), then asked for “a break.” Is this a sign she’s unable to show commitment?

I’ve kept her informed of all details and logistics. Meanwhile, she’s secretive about her plans, and why a necessary step (her visit) keeps not happening.

I took great offense to being “strung along.” Yet her response was to accuse me of being controlling because I routinely asked what’s going on with the trip, after it was first “delayed.”

Stymied Boyfriend

Long-distance romances over extended periods are never easy. Add a divorce taking time, and the “boyfriend” still living with his wife (described in your much-longer letter and by your girlfriend in hers of Feb. 8), and you have a whirlpool of emotions on all sides.

It’s natural that she vacillates, undoubtedly told by some friends that you’re leading her on. You may be totally honest in explanations, but you’re still apart, and your wife’s reportedly in the same bedroom (albeit in different beds, which your girlfriend had written me).

The onus is on you to keep reassuring her, and keep visiting when possible.

A break between living with your wife and moving to your girlfriend, might actually be helpful, to separate you from what she worries about.

However, you also need to consider how you’ll stay connected to your children, and whether your girlfriend is prepared for those other complications.

My husband of 25 years felt his libido was lessening, and his doctor prescribed testosterone. It made him constantly horny but also more argumentative, when he already has anger issues. His aggressive tone and nasty reactions kill any desire to be close to him. I made him stop the treatment but what do you think of his doctor’s advice?

Wrong Meds?

One or both of you should’ve reminded the doctor of his ongoing anger issues. Once he started testosterone, you needed to contact him immediately when you saw the negative effects.

Call the doctor and ask to discuss this together. Also ask for what else the doctor can recommend.

A lessened libido doesn’t mean none at all. He may feel embarrassed about not being aroused as easily or as often, but it’s the quality of intimacy that matters, not the quantity.

Meanwhile, his anger issues are ongoing - a whole other dynamic you both still need to address.