I dated my high-school sweetheart for four years, and into college. We both went to the same university, until I couldn't afford it and moved home to attend a nearby community college.

Things were going just fine until an acquaintance came home on military leave and wanted to go out for a drink to catch up. He seemed a bit disappointed when he asked if I was still with my boyfriend, whom he knows.

That night, I found myself incredibly attracted to my friend (helped along by the alcohol) and then found myself picking a fight with my boyfriend via text message.
Next thing I knew I was single.
Over the next couple of days, my friend became my boyfriend.
Then my boyfriend apologized and begged for me back shortly after my friend (or new boyfriend?) went back overseas.

I now have two boyfriends whom I love dearly. One with whom I have history who was taking too long to commit (aka propose), and one who wants to get an apartment with me when he's home in six months.

I respect and love both of them and I'm desperately trying to make a decision.

Lost Girl

Time to stop describing events as if they happened without your will, as in, “I found myself…etc.”

You and this new guy both knew you were attached. You drank too much and crossed the line, then pushed your boyfriend away with a fight.

The person lacking commitment was you.

Take a break from both of them, you messed up. Stay home and do some hard self-reflection.

After two weeks (no contact), you should know if either is the man for the rest of your life, or you’re just not ready for total fidelity yet.

 

I'm 51 (gay, single, only child); my widowed mother’s 83, still living alone in the family home. She drives and appears mentally competent to continue to run her own affairs, banking, the house, etc.
Over recent years, her short-term memory and attention span have diminished greatly. Long-time friends have expressed concern.

Mom's a nurse, trained in England. She won’t see her doctor about her declining memory and attention, refuses to see a specialist or undergo any testing.

At her request, I’ll leave my lovely little co-op and move back home in the next year or so.
Dad died from Alzheimer's years ago, so we've experienced that. I'm not diagnosing Alzheimer's, but am in the dark and don't know where to turn for help.
Worried Son

You well understand that you’re making the right and kindest move possible, despite the initial upheaval.

Your mom sounds like the wonderful type of independence-loving woman who believes she can carry on till she just finally exits.

She probably could, if she doesn’t fall, crash the car, or have some other damaging mishap due to mental decline.

Living with her will reveal whether she’s at a dangerous stage of wandering without remembering the route, leaving the stove on, etc. She must regularly re-take a driving test.

In exchange for your moving in, insist on her seeing her doctor, with you accompanying her.

Her doctor will refer you to a specialist when it’s appropriate, and testing if it’s necessary (cognitive impairment, dementia, and Alzheimer’s all differ, but short-term memory loss is common to all, as well as to just aging.).

Many locales have a network of services (e.g. Community Care Access Centres  or Co-ordinated Services for the Elderly) to provide varied help when needed.

 

FEEDBACK Regarding the woman whose friends say she’s “too smart” for most men (Jan. 20):

Reader – “When a woman says she’s very successful at work, that can signal arrogance or pompous superiority, both traits men hate in women.

“When she says "otherwise, it's the gym, long and hard work hours, including socializing with business clients” this tells me she has no time for dating, a boyfriend, or  a relationship.

“I dated a number of  “career” women who’d neglect their children, friends, and spouses at the expense of climbing the corporate ladder. Needless to say these relationships didn’t work out.

“Men like feminine, fun, and flirty females.”

Ellie – Women regularly “neglectful” of their children and spouses, like neglectful men, are by nature cold and self-absorbed. It has nothing to do with whether they work hard and work out.

I maintain that most smart men want their life partner to be intelligent and confident, not just fun and flirty.