I live in a pretty conservative country in the Middle East, and have been in a three-year relationship with the best guy ever.

We were happy and extremely compatible, until two months ago, when we fought over something silly and made up real quick like always.

But this time he suddenly said, “This isn’t working out, you’re not open enough with me, and never tell me your problems (which I do).”

Then he accused me of doing nothing for the relationship, and of manipulating and deceiving him.

I starting doubting everything, even myself. I begged, and promised to change. He said, No.

He kept saying, “now let me leave,” so I let him go.

I decided to stop contacting him for two weeks, but I was wrecked!

He told my friend that I’d blocked him so I texted him and we talked, but he still refused to come back. He said we can only talk.

I’d text him but he’d not respond. Then, New Years’ Eve I got really sick.

I contacted him and he said, "Stop contacting me, move on, and stop trying to make me feel sorry for you, or I’ll humiliate you and your family.”

My self-respect kicked in (finally), so I texted him every single mistake he committed which I’d forgiven, and every lie he told that I let go by.

I told him to take responsibility and stop playing the victim. I’ve since blocked him completely, but I still love him and know he loves me too. What else can I do to fix this relationship?

Still Loving Him

Back off. Something happened and you can’t fight what you don’t know.

It could be a personal crisis which he wasn’t willing to share, or he met someone else, or there’s some aspect of the relationship that his family and friends have convinced him is wrong for him…

A period of calm and silence from you will likely have him thinking through his abrupt change, and how he handled it by treating you so badly. Try living without him and maintaining your self-respect.

If he returned through your begging, it’d never again be what it was. You’d resent what he did, and always feel insecure knowing he’s capable of turning on you so nastily.

He either explains his behaviour, apologizes and asks to come back with a fresh start, or... you’re better off without him.

I have cousins who probably don’t know that I exist, living around three hours away from me.

I found and followed one of them on Instagram and I want to talk to her. But I’m not sure she’ll even see it or respond.

I lost all my side of that family and I don't have anyone left on that side that I know of, except them.

I really want to meet them one day as well. What should I do?

Seeking Family

Write a personal letter if at all possible. It’s much less intrusive than a sudden appearance on social media.

If you can’t pin down an address, try reaching out from Instagram to Facebook, etc.

Describe how you believe that you’re related, and then tell some details about yourself.

It’s important to mention that you’re not seeking anything material from them, but just want to connect with family, if they’re willing.

Suggest a casual meeting at a neutral public place convenient for them, so you come across as thoughtful and safe to meet.

Hopefully, someone will be interested and respond.

COMMENTARY “For people considering separation/divorce, seeking information from a legal clinic or family court clinic should be their first step.

“After my own near-bankrupting experience with family lawyers, I cautiously recommended the “other” course to a friend.

“Through a family court clinic, he and his wife educated themselves on rights and obligations according to family law.

“With this, they succeeded in reducing acrimony, signing a court-vetted divorce document, saving thousands of dollars, and now enjoy a civil relationship and share joint custody of their daughter.

“The laws are strong and very clear as to responsibilities with separation and divorce in this country (Canada).

“And some countries, like Australia, have mandated mediation and lawyer-less cooling off periods.”

Ellie – If you aren’t comfortable handling the research on your own (also, not all legal clinics deal with divorce and family court clinics sometimes have waiting lists ), try to see a lawyer who’s been recommended by someone you trust.