Recently, I stumbled across an ad that someone had placed, that was seeking to sexually re-connect with my partner.
The reason in the ad for seeking one person in particular, was that they’d hooked up a few times four years ago.
The writer of the ad mentioned my partner’s business, and included some other clues in it which has me convinced he’s definitely talking about my partner.
Part of me wants to confront the issue directly with my partner.
But part of me thinks that maybe I should ignore the whole thing. That way I’ll just hope that my partner doesn't see the ad or that nothing further comes of it.
The whole situation has brought up some trust issues.
While I realize this past sexual hook-up connection isn't something that happened while we’ve been together, however it’s greatly upset me. What should I do about this ad?
It isn’t much of a “partner” relationship that you have now, if you can’t even ask the question that’s upsetting you: How would your partner respond?
There’s a strong lack of trust about the potential answer that obviously exists within you, no matter how long ago he/she had other relationships or casual hookups.
If you feel you’ll be better off if you hide this ad from your partner, it’s fear and insecurity that has you upset, not anything that’s actually happened with this ad-writer in the past four years.
Bite the bullet, show the ad, and hopefully you’ll have a laugh together about the sheer nerve of the ad.
After all, your partner isn’t responsible for this person from the past making a somewhat public outreach.
In fact, he/she may well be outraged about it.
But if something more worrisome happens when you raise it for discussion together – such as stonewalling - then your fears may well be based on gut instinct instead of insecurity.
In that case, move on. There’s nobody worth hanging onto if you constantly fear your so-called “partner” will leave you on a moment’s notice.
A guy I dated for three weeks was perfect. He’d take me out on dates, but there's one problem between us - I couldn't get him to stop calling me his “friend.”
We did things that friends don’t do. He’d kiss me, hold my hand, cuddle with me.
I felt like he was leading me on. But when I actually brought up how I was feeling, he ignored me, and I haven't heard from him ever since then.
I'm heartbroken. I really like him; I just wanted to know the truth about our relationship and if he ever had any intentions of asking me to be his girlfriend.
Was I wrong to ask him that?
Need Answers in Nashville
You were way too early with this question.
Early dating IS about becoming new friends - getting to know each other a little more each time, and yes, getting cosy together if you both want to.
But three weeks is way too soon for making unrealistic commitments or expecting them… unless a thunderbolt of “love-at-first-sight” had struck you both!
You scared him away by rushing what was so far a sweet friendship. It made you appear needy.
Let some time pass, then email him and ask how he’s doing. If you get together, gently suggest that you’d like to get back to that nice friendship if possible.
Add that you won’t ask about anything more than whatever happens naturally and mutually.
My grandchildren, seven and ten, live 2,000 miles from me. They live with their mother, but they’re with my son nearby, twice weekly.
The only time they get their thick, curly hair brushed is when I see them - twice a year.
When it gets matted, their mother cuts out chunks so they have big holes in their hair and uneven lengths. It looks like a rat's nest.
Their mother has undiagnosed Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
This year I FINALLY persuaded my son to let me take the girl to a hairdresser. My grandson refused to go, but my son promised he’d get his hair cut before school started. I saw on Facebook that he didn’t.
What can I do?
Focus on what’s far more important – contact them regularly through your son, expressing love, encouraging them in their interests, showing confidence in their abilities.
They’ll soon find their own ways of handling their hair.
Tip of the day:
Distrust and fear are destructive to any sense of partnership.