When I moved in with my fiancé two years ago, I discovered half-nude pictures on his computer of a girl he'd met six months before me. He refused to delete them.
I deleted them when I held a 60th birthday party for him and worked with the picture files. He claims they're just friends, that she says he reminds her of her grandfather.
He'd met her at a local gym (she was a yoga instructor) and gave her a ride home late at night. He then let her do her laundry at his home, lent her money, and bought her groceries sometimes.
When I came along, he lessened their relationship. She left a phone message for me to stop interfering because I was ruining a good thing for her. I had him listen to it.
He stopped seeing her when she moved away. She still texts and calls him. He claims he's doing nothing wrong because he doesn't initiate contact.
Recently, he lent me his cell phone when mine wasn't working. He'd saved four items - various pictures of her fully nude and one body shot with her face.
I deleted them immediately because I was hurt. He claims I violated his privacy over "no big deal."
I love this man and have insecurity issues myself. But all his past relationships involve women using him and he doesn't know how to accept real love, nor trust women.
I ended a 25-year marriage just before I met him. He was in a relationship for 22 years, single for 15 years, before he met me. It's like he doesn't know what he wants now.
Is He Not Ready?
Oh yes, he does know what he wants... everything he can get. He's so flattered by her attention, and once again would rather be used (gave her money, maybe still sends her some) than give up the dream of being someone's sugar (grand) daddy.
His refusal to understand this is hurting you, lacks feeling, and respect. Don't put yourself down about "insecurity." He's taking advantage, and you're reacting normally in this case.
He either ends ALL contact or you leave him to his nudie photos and move on. He's definitely NOT ready for a commitment that involves mutual respect.
I've been dating a man for a few months, but we've been friends for a very long time beforehand. I can tell he's serious about our relationship and loves me very much. He's kind, caring, and very good to me.
However, I've always been a nosy girlfriend, even if I don't suspect or feel jealous I just can't help myself if an email account/Facebook is left open, or a cell phone is left around.... I always end up snooping.
I recently found he's talking to other girls, just general chitchat. One is an ex-girlfriend. I didn't say anything about it.
But I'm wondering what this means and how much importance I should put on it. I'm not too bothered by it, but should I be?
Your uncertainty is at such an opposite pole to the question above! You found nothing of significance, but want to work yourself up to a problem. This is plain foolishness, snooping to create trouble, even if you don't find it.
What you did is NOT the action of a person who can stay happy in a relationship without seeking unnecessary assurances. THIS is insecurity, and it'll ruin this relationship - and any other you have - unless you stop it.
Whenever my mother hears me say something to my partner that she doesn't agree with, she comments to me in front of him. E.g. "that's wrong."
She recently said that I'm manipulative - right in front of him! She always gets involved and interferes. She should leave it between us, and if my boyfriend doesn't like something, he should be the one to say so.
What should I do about this problem? It gets us all into huge fights. She makes me not want to see her anymore.
Stop having private conversations in front of her, and just visit when you see her. Since you don't live with her, there's no need to discuss your mortgage (as you wrote in your much longer letter) or anything between you two.
Yes, she's intrusive, but you open the door to it, even though you know what to expect. You can solve this one yourself.
Tip of the day:
A fiancé who ignores your feelings, isn't ready to be a partner.