I recently lost my virginity to a guy who lives nearby. A week later, my so-called "friend" slept with him.
I've forgiven them both, but kept them at arms length since.
I've finally given a close friend a chance (after two of three years), and although we're not together, I care for him.
I also care for the other guy, my first.
I'm happy and comfortable with this close friend, but my first is acting funny, maybe jealous.
He's been doing little slick things and been really petty about the situation. He thinks I'm mad at him, but I don't know what to say to him anymore.
Now that I'm happy, he comes rushing back, suddenly misses me, and says, "We need to talk about what we are."
I don’t know what to do and I don't want anyone's feelings getting hurt.
Between A Rock and Hard Place
Look in the mirror. This is about you and how you want to live, not about keeping every guy you know happy.
Your “first” immediately moved on to your “friend.” He didn’t care about your feelings, just about getting more sex.
Why care about him? Why get caught up in whatever his “little slick things” are?
He just wants to break up your current closeness with this friend.
Keep looking in the mirror and telling yourself that you’re in charge of your body and your choices.
Then tell your first sex partner that he threw away having any further chance with you. And mean it.
I was born in Europe, but have lived in Canada my entire life. I go to school and have lots of great friends. I do really well in my studies, especially English.
But for four years my mom keeps demanding that we move to Europe. And my dad has given in.
Going to school will be a disaster! Without knowing the native language, my grades will drop.
Also, I don't have the good looks that can steal a crowd. It’s just the group of people I hang out with that keep me from being lonely.
If I move, I’ll be a loner. Plus, my parents are over-protective and I still don't have a phone.
My grandparents try to convince me to move, but I love my house and my school and friends.
And with all the terrorist news from Europe, I don't know why my parents want to take me out of safety.
My parents are almost always talking about the move and selling our house next year.
This summer I’m heading to Europe for my aunt’s wedding and I’m scared about having to stay there forever.
What should I do? I’m not a crazy teen. I just CAN’T MOVE.
Take a deep breath and ask your parents to help you. Say (without yelling that you WON’T or CAN’T move) that you’re extremely anxious at even the thought of moving.
Say that it’s interfering with everything at school, and at home.
Suggest that you all go to a family counsellor and hear each other out. Say that you’ll be willing to try and understand why they want this move if they can be willing to hear how it affects you.
If they refuse this idea, ask at school to see a counsellor, or talk to a trusted teacher. You need to air out your fears with a neutral professional, perhaps even your family doctor to help deal with increasing anxiety.
FEEDBACK (March 30) Regarding the woman with mild cerebral palsy who feels trapped by circumstances (March 29):
Reader – “I’m a nurse, experienced with helping the handicapped live independently, and also helping the elderly remain at home with supportive caregivers rather than in nursing homes.
“This person should also contact local resources to assist in job placement.
“Example: In Western New York, we have an Independent Living Center organization that assists disabled folks with finding housing and jobs appropriate to their ability, as well as educational opportunities.
“Our Cerebral Palsy group in Niagara Falls is now called Empower. It assists with housing, their own housing, and group homes (the writer should check into group homes if available in their area); as well as job placement and a Sheltered Workshop on site.
“They are able to advise and counsel on educational opportunities/college, and scholarships/subsidized
schooling, as well as health care and clinics to provide medical services.”
Tip of the day:
Someone who plays fast and loose with your feelings doesn’t deserve your loyalty, even if he/she is your “first.”