We four grew up in the same community. One guy and I had feelings for each other but he lacked confidence to ask me out. His pal was after me; I married him.     
      The other girl wanted the first guy, so he married her. My husband became an alcoholic and was abusive. The other man was also unhappy in his marriage so we started seeing each other while we were still married - something of which I’m not proud.      
      I divorced. Two years later, my lover and I got caught and he eventually divorced. We married each other 18 months ago.    
      We both have grown children. His ex encouraged their kids to have nothing to do with me. Gradually, they’ve all started visiting. I’ve apologized to them and asked their forgiveness. We all get along well. I apologized to his ex, but she didn’t respond.    
      Recently, there were family funerals where his ex was present. She doesn’t speak to me. I understand, but she pulled my husband away to talk to him privately. I found this humiliating. Also, he didn’t discourage it.     
      The same thing happened at the second funeral. When I later raised it, he said he didn't care what she did, that he loved me. He feels I’m over-reacting.      
      I feel he’s putting her ahead of me in this situation. His wife ended up with everything, including a house that was paid for plus $500 a week in spousal support. I think he felt incredibly guilty. What’s the right thing to do?
      - Upset

You’re overreacting. These are early days in your marriage and his ex – who was, in the past, deeply humiliated – is understandably needing time to adjust.     
      Also, divorced people who have children in common do sometimes speak to each other privately. It’s not a betrayal on the part of your spouse.     
      His settlement with his ex is really his business, and past. There will be future family gatherings, weddings, births, etc. Your husband and you both need to learn how to handle these without you expecting his ex to ever forgive you.    
      She may, she may not. There’s nothing “humiliating” if he speaks to her briefly, then returns to your side.

I’m 65 and have three grandchildren. My daughter's children are 3 1/2 and 1 1/2 years - both in day care, costing most of her salary. Next fall the older one will be in pre-school, but before- and after-school expenses still leave her with very little left.    
      Should I offer to help out financially? I’m wasting my life and my time and am feeling guilty.
      - Uncertain

Deal from love, not from guilt. The nice thing is that your daughter’s been trying to manage on her own. So you don’t want to imply that you think she’s doing badly, or that she’s been waiting for a handout.      
      Look at your own finances, and your personal energy, to figure out the time and/or an amount you can afford. Then consider different approaches.      
      Examples: 1) A financial gift toward the children’s day-care costs; 2) A gift towards something she couldn’t otherwise afford, such as a family vacation; 3) A personal gift of your baby-sitting services for a defined amount of time each week – perhaps three days after school – which will cut her costs.      
      Tell your daughter you want to participate in your grandchildren’s lives by making sure the family is comfortable. Then give her your ideas and let her choose what she thinks helps most.

Ever since my common-law wife – a student nurse -moved in with me, her mother “guilts” her about everything she’s doing. If she ignores the call she gets a nasty email. She constantly bad-mouths my family and me.      
      Her mother doesn’t listen to our responses. Her complaints are 99 per cent her own speculations and paranoid delusions. If challenged, she says my wife’s lying.     
      It doesn’t seem right to break ties with her mother but how can she handle someone who insults her, tells her she's not worth anything and doesn’t seem to like her?
      - Fed Up

The move to live with you has unsettled her mother, perhaps fearing what others think, and/or that she’s somehow failed.    
      Your wife should tell her mother that she’s doing fine, is happy with her life and would like to maintain their relationship IF the constant criticism stops. If not, she’ll have to end contact for a while.