I'm in love with my boyfriend of two years. However, he just can't seem to get work and finances in order.

I've had to put my own goals at mid-20s on hold because of his debts, which, despite my support (paying rent, etc.) he hasn't paid off. And it's not a big number.

He always "needs" to siphon the funds elsewhere. But he works hard. His problem - he doesn't do the jobs he doesn't want to do. (Example: accounting, paying taxes, and accepting contracts that are "beneath" him.)

He gets up early to make us breakfast, is amazing in bed, and has a great sense of humour. We have many common hobbies. The thought of breaking up with him brings me to tears, because I fear I'll be throwing away the best person ever, for shallow reasons.

Yet I feel growing resent. He follows his dream, while I sit in a cubicle.

I'd accepted this until I recently met someone new. My crush started to consume me. Last week, he revealed his feelings. I said I'd never cheat on my boyfriend, but felt similarly.

Nothing happened. But knowing he feels the same way, I'm giddy. And guilty. I hate the idea of tossing my current love/best friend aside. We've discussed my concerns, but nothing seems to change, I'm not sure he can change.

I could just stay with him forever and be the "responsible one," but that sounds exhausting.

Stuck

You'd be foolish to break up for a "crush." You'd be even more foolish to accept that you'll always be responsible for your partner, financially. Imagine your increased resentment a few years from now... possibly wanting a house and children, but believing he'll never contribute a fair share (or even try).

He may be a great guy but you're not giving him a chance to prove he's long-term partner material. You need a break from supporting him. He needs a break from leaning on you.

In time, if you both feel you'd rather live this way together than apart, despite the imbalance, you'll work something out.

But here's different advice: Do NOT "crush" into an affair. It's a crummy way to make this decision. Also, the other guy may have more troubling flaws... as in coming-on strong to someone who's already attached.

Everyone in my family is always fighting non-stop. I can't take it anymore. I'm tempted to run away. What makes it worse is I'm also a freshman in high school. What should I do to keep myself from running away and also stop my family from fighting?

Frustrated in Chicago

First, talk to someone older and in authority, whom you trust... e.g. your teacher, a guidance counsellor, someone in your faith community. Explain how upset you are and also be open and clear about the nature of the "fighting."

Some family's are natural high-volume conflict-lovers (yellers), but not more dangerously abusive. You may need some space to do your homework, and a place to just be away from the noise sometimes, and that can usually be worked out.

BUT, if you're experiencing physical hitting, threats of it, or constant verbal put-downs, you need to get help right away, even by going to the police.

Running away is a dangerous route to getting attention. You could end up in an unsafe place, with people who take advantage of you, or worse. Better to take yourself to seek help in every safe way possible.

FEEDBACK Regarding the kindergarten child, age five, whose teacher wants him on the drug Ritalin (Nov. 17):

Reader - "I'm a recently retired Superintendent of Schools. It's very normal for children to need to move around a lot. A good teacher becomes aware of the different learning styles of the children in her classroom and does accommodate those needs. It's the teacher's responsibility to create the learning environment that maximizes opportunities for all children. Not only is it doable, it's expected.

"This mother should speak to the principal. It's the teacher who requires help. To try to force an active little boy to behave in a manner that is counterintuitive to his style and ability is what will create a problem.

"Read Dr. Leonard Saks' books. He's done a body of research related to this issue, most specifically why this kind of unskilled teacher is causing a lifetime of learning problems for little boys."