My ex-boyfriend and I had terrific, passionate, and loving sex. I ended it because he wasn’t willing to establish a title over us, and I'm ready to settle down.
He didn’t even call me his girlfriend, so probably would never propose. Marriage is very important to me.
My current boyfriend and I love each other very much, but his lovemaking turns me away. I find him attractive but once things get hot, I turn off.
He gets frustrated, thinks I don't love him anymore. I still fantasize about sex with my ex a lot.
I feel this has ruined my relationship with my current boyfriend. Should I stay with him despite the bad sex?
Yes, maybe. First you need to think about what’s “bad” and “good” sex. Your ex was uninterested in commitment, but more interested in sex. That’s where he put his energy, creativity, and full passion, to keep you going. That’s his sexual style as a no-ties single guy.
Your current boyfriend and you feel love. You don’t mention poor hygiene, inadequate size, clumsy performance, so why do you “turn off?”
If there’s a specific “flaw” he can correct, tell him - gently, kindly, while stroking and cuddling, so he learns what you want.
If there’s no reason, then you’re hung up on the moves of a guy who doesn’t want you long-term.
Get over it. Get sexy with the man you love.
I met my boyfriend of four years at work, but he soon started working for himself. Cash flow’s been an issue ever since, and he asks for loans from me.
We initially kept a loans record but stopped after three months. We co-rent our place, but several times I’ve paid for full rent.
We have other joint financial responsibilities but often I see the bills stacking up and he doesn’t want to confront them until last minute. This is very stressful for me.
I have a full time job and am able to support myself, but I expect a partner to be able to pay his share without me policing him every month before payments are due.
I expressed my frustration multiple times, but we haven’t fully dealt with this situation. He said he’d look for a full-time job but I haven’t seen him actively looking.
He’s a very caring man, but I don't feel stable enough to move forward with him. He's very emotionally immature, and I fear that if I leave him he’d fall into depression. He’s a very passive guy and said he needs exterior motives for him to do anything, but for me, being able to provide should be a pretty big motive.
I don't think I can change him, but I don't want to hurt him either.
Not His Banker
You’ve seen the future, and it won’t change, not unless you do something different because from all you describe, he won’t. He doesn’t have to as long as you keep paying.
Depending on the laws for common-law couples in your legal jurisdiction, this situation could bite you even harder since, if you split, he may be able to make a case for you helping support him.
Talk to a lawyer. I believe that’ll move you to be straightforward about this and not enabling his immaturity and lack of responsibility. He gets a job, or goes his own way, at whatever level he can afford on his own. Sub-let if you have to show him you’re serious by leaving yourself.
For 35+ years, I've listened and given sound, caring, advice about my best friend’s marital relationship. Her husband put his job first, his friends and own family second, her third, and their children last.
He was emotionally absent and psychologically damaging.
However, she let him take advantage of her because her self-worth is totally invested in her husband.
Well, he had an affair. And she blamed herself.
So they talked, and he cried, and she forgave him. Now he's all over her. It’s guilt-motivated (he even said so).
Should I ask her how things are going because she hasn't approached the subject with me yet? Should I tell her what she wants to hear (like everyone else), or should I be honest? Maybe she hasn't talked to me because she already knows I’ll judge him.
Don’t ask, don’t judge, don’t repeat the old communication… talk about other things.
Tip of the day:
Great sex with ex-Mr. Wrong is only worth a fantasy, to bring home to Mr. Right.