I loved sex with my husband until menopause hit me. My pills for hot flashes don’t do anything for that sex-drive feeling.

Believe me, I want it for myself, for the pleasure, and also for my husband.

I understand why some men cheat later in life. It must be difficult to be a married man, want sex with your wife only, and to be denied. That’s cruel.

But we have to be able to talk about this, husband to wife. My husband tells me he isn’t interested in sex at all, I couldn’t believe it, when I still want it but have no libido left.

Missing Sex

Your husband may’ve been showing kindness, trying to assure you he’s not upset that your libido’s gone.

But you’re both talking around this topic, rather than looking for solutions. If your relationship’s good in other ways, you can have intimacy in this “life phase” too. It may not be as passionate and intercourse-based as in your younger years, but it can still be satisfying and loving.

Besides the pills you’re taking, there are many ways to encourage sexual contact, e.g. some herbal approaches that may ease the flushes, and using lubricants for intercourse. Your husband could consider an erectile stimulant (e.g. Viagra) if needed, or may be turned on simply by your making an effort.

Close communication, cuddling, shared laughter, plus healthy nutrition and some fitness activity, all contribute to intimacy and feeling sexy.

I'm 16, work one day a week, swamp myself with homework to maintain an 86% average, and do volunteering and sports so that I don't drown in depressing thoughts.

Recently, I revealed my feelings to the guy I like and no surprise - he doesn’t like me back.

Although I’ve kissed more than five guys and "dated" three, they never liked me.

I feel it's hopeless that I wake up at 5:30 am to workout, shower, and make myself look good for school when nobody looks at me like that.

I feel I'm the "ugly" friend who never gets hit on or asked for their number – the girl who gives advice to guys on how to get other girls.

I feel like I'll never know what it's like to have a boy really like me. Is there something wrong with me?

Worried Teenager

Nothing’s “wrong” except your belief that you’ll never be liked by a boy. It’s making you feel desperate, when in fact you have a full productive life.

The sad thing is that you don’t allow yourself to just enjoy all the aspects – succeeding in school and helping others as a volunteer, and being a good friend to many. Instead you run yourself ragged and run yourself down, both of which guarantee no time, no confidence… like a self-fulfilling prophecy.

You don’t need to befriend every boy to be liked. When they ask how to get girls, smile and say that’s theirs to learn on their own. A little mystery from you makes you more interesting.

As for counting kisses and “dates” – I’m hoping the latter doesn’t refer to gratuitous sex without any real dating – it doesn’t make for popularity.

Here’s what will improve your chances over time – pride in yourself and what you can do, a smiling appearance which makes everyone prettier and more approachable, and self-confidence that you have value and it will be appreciated.

Remember, the other person has to have value too, and not be just a guy to kiss and “date” because he wants it.

FEEDBACK Regarding the woman whose husband won’t touch her (April 11):

Reader – “I asked my gynecologist if my similar “no-sex” situation could be helped.

“My husband of 35 years never touches me or says anything emotional. When I finally confessed being sexually abused as a teenager, he didn't respond.

“We’re like roommates, mostly get along. When I told the doctor we’ve only had sex three times in the past 20 years, he sent me to a shrink.

“My husband also went to his doctor and came home with Cialis.

“Why do people in your profession think that emotional attachment and men’s' penises have to be the answer?”

Ellie – I’m not a psychiatrist, but it’s widely believed that a teenage victim of sexual abuse could’ve benefitted from a healthy emotional connection. You didn’t get that connection, and it affected you both. Therapy can still help you both. Later, Cialis may also help.