I recently had a second date with a boy I like. Things went pretty bad and I was freaking out. We did some things and I was really nervous, the night ended awkwardly.
He said it doesn't change how he feels about me. But he was upset with me because I didn't say that I was uncomfortable.
I texted him that I was sorry for not being honest with him.
He replied, saying, "I just think we're on two different levels." I said, "It's because I'm staying a virgin. Okay, cool." (I'm 17).
He said that it wasn't anything sexual, but that I was so squeamish that last time he doesn't know what I am cool with.
I said I was fine with what we were doing, but not the location, and for him to think about what he wants to do.
My friend said it sounds like he likes me, but that my nervousness bothered him a bit.
So she was going to text him that I'm comfortable with him now.
Awkward and Confused
Many young people face similar confusion when the desire for romance and fun collides with personal comfort.
That’s why your letter’s an opportunity for me to stress that teenagers are not too young to have personal principles and to stick to comfort levels, despite pressure from others.
Perhaps this boy hasn’t met with resistance before. BUT, if he likes you, he has to respect you. And, if you like him, you need to be clear.
It’s not enough to say that you still wish to remain a virgin. You need to set boundaries. If you let things get too close, you’re playing with fire. It’s far easier for you to stop than for him to do so.
So set the limit before that line. And hang out in ways that aren’t all about temptation – sports, outings, group get-togethers.
Do this without relying on friends to do your texting, and know everything. Friends can hype a situation or mis-communicate your intentions.
Your personal/social/sex life is for you to manage.
My son, seven, has terrible tantrums and listening skills. My husband and I frequently raise our voices, but that doesn't get through to him; he continues with a smirk on his face.
Once, he pushed a bed onto his two-year-old sister. She was crying and crying but he continued to laugh. He always threatens his older sisters that he's going to stab them.
He's so smart, though, when he's behaving. My husband tells our friends that you could have a philosophical conversation with him.
Our eldest daughter was nothing like this at seven.
What advice do you have on disciplining him? Time-outs never work, not even for two hours.
Get to a specialist in children’s behaviour problems, as a crucial need, and get pro-active immediately.
Ask your family doctor for a referral to a child psychiatrist. If the wait list’s long, get to a child psychologist on your own, sooner. Research to find someone dealing with children’s anti-social behaviour.
Your son’s behaviour IS worrisome, and not something that a raised voice or longer time-outs can change.
He may have medical, emotional, or mental health issues affecting him, which only a specialist can diagnose accurately after testing.
Meanwhile, any harsh punitive responses are useless. Stay alert to his threats or aggressive action towards other children, and separate him from them.
He needs special attention, from you on watch, and from someone who then provides/directs you to appropriate treatment.
FEEDBACK Regarding the irresponsible cottage guests (July 22):
Reader – “Recently, in a neurological rehab centre, we saw one young man who’d been driving a snowmobile and hit a somewhat snow-obscured stone wall, head-first. He had SEVERE brain damage.
“Not only individual’s lives can be changed forever, but a person can hit someone else or damage someone else’s property.
“Even at a public swimming pool, people who don’t obey the rules are asked to leave.
“Having worked in an Emergency Room myself, I’d say both these families are really naive.”
Reader #2 – “This is another case of people not wanting to take responsibility for their actions, and then blaming others when things happen.
“This woman's two children had a very serious crash with one requiring an emergency room visit! She obviously cares nothing about her friend, or the friends' property, never mind her own children who she’s putting at risk with her bad attitude.”
Tip of the day:
Teens are ready to date, if able to set their own limits.