I’m 55, divorced for over 10 years. I recently met someone on a dating site whom I like a lot. I enjoy his company.

However, he feels compelled to tell me whenever we’re together, about his failed marriages and his belief that he’ll never marry again.

The first time he raised this, I smiled and explained that I wasn't thinking about marriage. This is true. I feel no urge to change my status. I just want to make a connection and spend quality time with a partner.

So why does he repeatedly bring up the topic of marriage when we’re having a good time together?

Am I missing something?

- Confused

You’re missing the point, which is, this guy’s version of The Product Warning.

Lots of people buy things every day even though they carry warnings of various health/fire/and other hazards… it’s one level of liability insurance so the consumer can’t sue successfully later, in case of getting hurt.

So, too, this man’s alerting you not to get emotionally involved and build expectations beyond having a good time. Read his lips: Don’t build expectations. This includes more than NOT anticipating marriage plans.

You still speak of having a “partner” while staying unmarried. But his caveat may mean that he’ll be dating others, too; and that you have no right to ask where he was last week when he didn’t call.

Next time he brings up the subject, ask him to define what he thinks your “good time” relationship DOES include. And make sure you agree.

My guess is he may still become a possible hazard to you, emotionally, unless you clear this up, now.

My grandfather showed up for an uninvited, unexpected visit, and brought his new ‘lady friend.’

I don’t get along with my grandfather - since my grandmother died two years ago, I’ve only seen him once.

He came to see my two-year-old son, which might’ve been all right had he not brought his companion (whom I’ve never met, never heard of, and probably wouldn’t have wanted to meet anyway). It was a tense visit and they soon left.

My mother thinks I was unduly harsh but also didn’t know why he would’ve done this. (My mother also didn’t know about this woman and was surprised to learn the two had travelled together to visit my grandmother's grave.)
Am I wrong in thinking my grandfather should’ve told someone/anyone that he had a new companion before bringing her for a visit?
Am I wrong for being angry?
I loved my grandmother dearly.

- Sad

Give Grandpa a break. Yes, he should’ve called ahead, but it’s obvious he knew he’d be rejected.
Of course you loved your grandmother, and – so long as he wasn’t miserable to her – Grandpa also lost someone dear. He’s entitled to find new companionship for his later years.
It’s to his credit that he was trying to still maintain a connection to his family, and hoping relatives would be generous enough to at least be pleasant to him and his lady friend.
Maybe he let you down in the past. But do you really think that the resolution to old family hurts is to stand on ceremony, act harshly in self-righteous judgment, and ignore others’ losses and pain?
As the mother of an innocent toddler, you’d do well to recognize that the way to teach the value of family is to try to value ALL your family, and show forgiveness and compassion when they’re being sought.

I'm 23, and recently met this absolutely gorgeous, intelligent, and outgoing woman through a university club.
I'm usually a really funny guy but I think I may’ve come off as immature to her (even though I don't really tell many immature jokes).
Are my chances over with her? I know first impressions mean everything.

- Worried in Vancouver

Second impressions can recover your image, IF you convey them with restraint.
Next time you see her, be pleasant but not pushy. Start a conversation related to the club’s program or purpose, show interest in her opinions, suggest you meet for coffee later to discuss it further.
Do NOT ask if she found you immature last meeting, or what she thinks of you now.
Do NOT rely on jokes for chat, or press her about dating you in the future.
If she says that she has a boyfriend, back off in a still-friendly way.