I met an amazing guy online six years ago, and we've had undeniable chemistry. We wanted to meet, but we were both university students, he living in the US, me in Canada.

We’ve maintained a strong friendship while dating others. He moved even further away for work. Now we're both engaged, but regret never having met, fearing we’re missing out on "the one."

We’re both somewhat dissatisfied with our current relationships. We agreed to not meet unless we become single, or it'll likely lead to cheating.

We say we love each other, but we're aware that we've romanticized things, idealized each other, and can't know if we'd work out unless we actually get to know each other beyond the Internet and phone calls.

As an American citizen, I’m willing to move to him (if it gets to that point), but it’d mean losing my job and starting from the bottom again.

Is it worse to live your life with regret, or risk everything for the (possible) guy of your dreams?

Cross-Border Yearning

It’s worse to stay engaged to your fiancé while feeling “dissatisfied.”

Take a break from him. Either you won’t miss him, OR you’ll find you’ve blocked your ability to be fully “satisfied” because of ongoing Internet dreams.

The priority is dealing fairly with the people who expect to marry each of you.

As for your chances together… you give lip service to understanding that you’d have to meet, date, etc. but neither of you have done anything about it.

Surely you could’ve found the means to travel to each other, even once, over six years. And, if you eventually move there, surely you have qualifications and experience to land a job and succeed. Yet you raise these excuses.

Bottom line: Give your fiancé a break period, OR a real chance. If you end it, visit Online Guy without deciding that he’s The One until you’re certain, in person.

My husband of ten years has sons in their 20s; my daughters are teenagers, one living at home.

His ex called to say she kicked out their oldest son because he called her nasty names and said he’d punch her in the face.

She’d flown into a rage when he came home from the bar drunk and started cooking at 1 a.m.

My husband arranged to have his son stay with his friend.

There’s a long history of verbal abuse and fights between the mother and her sons, she’s sometimes lied and exaggerated facts.

Their son’s paying off debts due to last year’s DUI. He’s a good kid but talks tough and lacks self-esteem.

My husband’s trying to mediate between them. I’m worried he’s more concerned about calming everybody, instead of getting his son to seek help for drinking and anger issues.

They’re trying to patch things up so he can move back home with his mother and pay his debts.

Shouldn’t we be focusing on the anger here, not their weird relationship?

Scared in Simcoe

You’re right on, and a caring stepmother. Helping him change his behavior and reactions is crucial to all his relationships, including at work and with a future partner.

His father’s only dealing with the immediate, surface issue.

Whether the young man lives with his mother, a friend, or you, he needs to boost his self-esteem. That’ll come if he’s in counselling and/or programs regarding his excess drinking and angry outbursts.

Otherwise, the pattern will repeat and he could end up in jail from his threats, and worse.

My partner of 12 years ended our relationship. Neither of us felt anything wrong between us. She just felt a strong attraction with someone else, over six months, like a magnet pulling them together.

Should I hang onto hope that she'll come back one day, or just forget about our years of commitment and the love we shared?

This new relationship built so fast there was nothing I could’ve done to slow it down.

Sad in North Bay

Read your own words, and fully accept it’s NOT your fault in any way. Even when there’s commitment and love, these kinds of whirlwind attractions sometimes happen.

They usually come from deep-rooted needs and drives in the two parties that hadn’t surfaced before, but somehow connect, just as you say, magnetically.

Don’t live in waiting. Move on with your own life, use your support network for comfort and connection, and be open to new possibilities.