I'm a male university student in my final year. I'm social, active in sports, and reasonably fit. I don't have trouble meeting girls, but every relationship I've had since high school has ended over my refusal to have sex before marriage.
I've been accused of being gay or a prude (I'm neither). Saving sex for marriage is a value I've held onto since young.
How can I meet women who’ll respect this? (Are there any?). It’d be strange to bring this up immediately with someone new, but it's not something I can compromise about.
I'm really not sure what else will save me from the drama.
You’re not alone in your principles. The desire to retain virginity until marriage IS expressed by a noticeable number of young females who write me.
According to a 2009 article on NPR.com, several national surveys of American college students found 28 percent who remain virgins.
So, stick to your convictions, and look for logical and likely meeting places, starting with your faith community. Also, be proud of your values and discuss them with trusted friends who’ll possibly know others who can recommend like-minded women to meet.
When to tell a woman? I suggest as soon as you want to keep seeing someone, possibly by the third meeting.
Be clear, non-judgmental, and complimentary, while explaining that this is a principle for yourself, and not a rejection of her.
Be prepared for discussion – there are time-honoured ways to be romantic without sexual intercourse.
I was dating a guy a year ago but things seemed to be complicated. He was hot and cold and didn’t seem keen to get involved.
I naturally protected myself and stayed friendly, but tried to not appear desperate in front of him. I think about him often and get annoyed because it didn’t work out.
Every few weeks we get in touch and chat. Last night I saw him at the bar briefly. I was in mid-sentence when he walked by, on his way out with his friends.
I briefly said hello and continued to chat with my friend. Later that night he texted me saying, "That was an awkward encounter."
I brushed it off as if he was talking nonsense. But I’m annoyed that he wrote me that because he clearly doesn’t want to be involved with me, yet continues to come in and out of my life. Is he trying to play mind games with me?
No. You’re in the “mind games” business by yourself. Signs: You didn’t want to “appear desperate.” You’re “annoyed.” He comes “in and out” of your life.
Drop the analysis and look at reality – he was hot and cold and didn’t want to get involved. Period.
The fact you go to some of the same places is no great surprise if he’s in your general circle… and I suspect you sometimes go looking for him, too. I’m also betting that you sometimes initiate the contact.
Back off. If his “complications” ever clear up, he may contact you again. Or not. Meanwhile, stop dreaming up a drama that doesn’t exist.
My friend had a massive blow-up with her husband, he ordered her out of HIS house (by pre-nuptial contract).
One month later, he’s apologized and going for anger management.
She only told her closest friend and that’s how I know, she didn’t tell me herself. Do I mention it?
No. It’s private and sad business. Stay supportive in other ways. And avoid her insensitive, gossipy pal.
I’m extremely shy, the outcast in every social situation. It's my own fault.
Currently, I sit in a cubicle next to a group in a hockey pool together, who have coffee together, and go to the gym together. I'm basically invisible.
There must truly be something wrong with me that chases people away, because every place I work and throughout school, I've felt I've never been worth anyone's effort.
Is there a way to not care when people you want to be friends with, never want to be friends with you?
I acknowledge you, and so will many of my readers. You do have value, but don’t feel it. That can change. A professional counselor can help your own self-worth to emerge.
Your company benefits may cover some of the cost. Nevertheless, the time and cost of a process of therapy is invaluable for the rest of your life. Starting now.
Tip of the day:
Choosing virginity requires seeking like-minded mates, and comfort with your convictions.