I'm 42, a single mother whose daughter, 20, lives with me.
A year ago, I discovered that my common-law spouse of nine years had been cheating with his female "friend.” (I’d suspected this but had no evidence before).
I moved into my own place, went out with friends, and developed a crush on a guy at the bar (he’d expressed a crush on me).
It turned into a fling that lasted four months.
I knew that a relationship would never work, though I had some serious feelings for him. He’s too much of a bachelor.
Well, the last time we were together, I got pregnant. I was honest with him that I’d not been with anyone else so I knew he was the father, but I still didn't know what I was going to do.
He said he’d need a paternity test to prove he was the father but if he were, he’d take responsibility for his child.
I always wanted another child but not as a single mother again. I have a secure job, and would like to go ahead with this pregnancy, but am scared and nervous about doing it alone again. I’ll also be 43.
If I were in a stable relationship, I’d definitely do it.
I know that if I decide not to go ahead with it, I’ll regret it. What would you do?
Single Mom Again?
Do only what YOU want to do which is, have your baby. You’re not “alone,” since there’s a father who’ll be somewhat involved, and a daughter who’ll hopefully be very drawn to a baby in the house.
You’re probably in a far better position financially than you were 20 years ago.
Also, a significant number of women currently have babies in their 40s. They usually bring greater maturity and patience to parenting, which balances any fears of lesser energy.
The future – and the baby you want - may yet bring you the chance for a “stable relationship.”
I'm early 30’s and haven’t had a relationship for a long time.
The person I trusted the most cheated on me. Also, three married men whom I trusted have asked me out in the past.
I lost hope and trust in guys.
However, now I want to meet someone. I asked out two guys I really liked, but got rejected.
Now I have a person whom I really want to be closer with, but what if it ruins our friendship?
I’m unsure if he's too busy at his work or not interested in me. Whenever I ask him to go for a movie or have coffee together, he always agrees.
But he rarely contacts me first. Does that mean I should look elsewhere? I’ve lost the way to approach someone to know each other better.
He’s already a friend who enjoys your company. So suggest another coffee meeting and this time ask him questions about himself - his interests, his work, music he likes, etc.
Take lots of time to listen. This is how you show your genuine interest in him as a person, without pushing yourself at him.
Most people enjoy a good listener and are flattered by others’ interest. He’ll likely ask you questions too, and the friendship can deepen this way.
You’ll soon know whether it can build into a relationship. If not, you’re still friends.
And you’ll have gained experience and self-confidence in later approaching someone else you like.
My fiancé’s parents charged us $1000 monthly for their kitchen-less basement apartment.
His mother intruded in the night to do laundry. She threw my things in the trash, and drank our alcohol.
When we announced our engagement, she kicked us out in a drunken bender.
Now, my boyfriend’s brother is coming to visit, with his family.
The parents have said awful things about his wife. We’ll probably commiserate, enforcing the in-law rift.
I’ve postponed our wedding plans but they’re not budging. Do I forgive them?
You’re not clear what they’re resisting – you? Or, the marriage? Why?
Meanwhile, his mother’s apparent alcoholism makes for troubled relationships with everyone.
Decide with your fiancé whether you two can manage independently. Ask him if he can handle being estranged, if that happens.
If you’re both agreed, tell them you want to have a relationship with them, but will marry either way.
Then forgive them… they obviously have their own problems.
Tip of the day:
Don’t build false fears about having a wanted baby whom you’re well able to manage.