I’m 27, a single working mom with one child, who handles guys based on my past experiences. I use them - mentally, emotionally, personally and sexually. 

My current four-month relationship has had terrible problems: abortion, STDs, he’s untrustworthy and we’re both rebounding. However, he’s still with his partner.

I know he’s not right for me and that I’m much smarter than I’ve been acting with him. I haven’t slept with anybody else, but I flirt often. I accept that he doesn’t provide for me because he also has kids.

My previous two-year, live-in relationship was more about friendship and financial stability. He was 36 years older, knew that I had mood swings, and expensive taste. So he took care of my daughter and I, until he abruptly left. Our “deal” was that I take care of him health-wise, after his hospitalization, but I went out instead, and we talked only occasionally.

Why am I now with half a man? And letting the Old Man still help with my car loan?

- Chopped and Screwed

You’re a Taker, who’s believed you can get away with never giving, but it’s starting to bite you back instead. Look at yourself through your daughter’s eyes, and perhaps you’ll feel enough shame to want to change. 

You think you “use” guys, but in fact, you’re getting used more. The “Old Man’s” money came with a cold arrangement - a crummy environment to raise a child.

Your new situation is worse – with drama and degrading yourself to his low level. Stop excusing yourself for poor choices and behaviour, based on “past experiences.”

Move forward by getting professional therapy to find out why you accept lousy deals. Act “smarter” and provide a better model and life for your daughter.

I’m female, close friends with a married male co-worker for four years. His wife is very uncomfortable with our relationship. I haven’t met her as he doesn’t bring her when we go out together drinking, several times weekly. 

He confides in me about his marital problems. Lately, they’ve been fighting a lot over our relationship. She doesn’t like him going out with me alone to bars, and telling me their problems.

Recently, he said he needed to end our friendship because of how his wife feels. I got very upset with him and said he needed to stand up to her. He said he needed to work on his marriage and that although he still wanted to be friends, our closeness had to end. I think his wife is very controlling and wants to choose his friends.

She thinks we’re involved in an “emotional affair.” I do have strong feelings for him but I doubt it’d ever go beyond our friendship because he’s married.

At work, lately, he’s more distant with me and doesn’t talk about his personal life. I feel like I’m losing him all because his wife is jealous.

How can I convince him to continue our friendship? I think his marriage is doomed anyways because their personalities are too different.

- Just friends

You ARE in an emotional relationship, and you’re the one pushing beyond friendship. 

Imagine yourself having a husband who goes out alone with another woman, to confide in her … any partner would be hurt and upset, and would insist the closeness stop. His wife is the wise one here, and you’re in the wrong.

Back off this guy, and seek your next emotional connection with someone who’s available.

My boyfriend of 10 months was divorced after four years, and then had a failed three-year relationship. I’ve been dealing with a lot of his baggage; he sees a therapist twice weekly. 

Recently, I sense he’s uncomfortable around my daughter (13, and very pretty). I think he likes her in a very wrong way.

I don’t know how to confront him since I’m unsure, and it’s horrible to raise if untrue. But I can’t move forward with him while my gut says something’s wrong.

I’m thinking of ending it. Should I confront him or just walk away?

- Paranoid

Trust your gut. It’ll be far more horrible to have your daughter approached by him (or worse), than to break off with someone whom you already doubt. 

Your knowledge of his past behaviour informs your instinct here. You should NOT be living with him, or EVER leaving your daughter alone with him. End it.