My husband of three years and I have returned to college/university. We married young, took on a mortgage and jobs early on, and are now ready for a new life together reaching towards fulfilling careers.
We’re commuting to different schools and I'm nervous about this change of scenery for him - that he’ll see a life he missed by marrying young.

I’m nervous he’ll find someone more interesting than me, or just have a change of heart about the life we’ve planned.
I’ve told him this, but even after discussing it, I still feel these insecurities, which aren’t attractive. He hasn't said this; I just feel it creating a wall between us. How can I get confident in my marriage and myself?

Worrying

Get counselling, and fast, as it’s you who’s driving the wedge.

Student services often offer affordable counselling. It’s worth what you may have to pay for enough sessions to explore such galloping insecurity.

Some anxiety is normal, about changes and challenges, both academically and in your routines. But you’ve funneled it all into fear of his cheating, purely through imagining.

It’s crucial that you find ways to divert your thinking and focus on what’s real – i.e. the need to trust each other, and figure out together how to adapt to new pressures that have nothing to do with him going astray.

Otherwise, when he starts a new job, or you buy a new house, have kids, etc., your default reaction will always be insecurity, even jealousy, and ultimately it’ll push him away.

Several years ago, a good friend discovered her husband was cheating. They’d both been involved heavily in drugs and partying. On several occasions he’d slept with random women.

She forgave him and they’ve since turned their lives around, no longer using drugs or alcohol.

In counselling, he confessed all and they now appear to have a great marriage.

Yet, both their families and many friends were all made aware of his actions and he still carries the guilt.
However, I know that the wife cheated before he did. She told me this beforehand. He was my friend first, and while I don't condone his actions, I know that he wasn't the only one in the wrong here. It bothers me that he’s portrayed as the sole villain.

He has no idea that she cheated. She said she didn't reveal it because she didn't think he’d forgive her.
I try to forget it since they’re doing well, but it keeps coming to mind, especially when I hear someone mention his past. Do you think this is best left in the past?

Knowing the Truth 

I SO think this is not your business to reveal. If it ever comes out, it should not be from anyone who thinks they’re doing him a favour. You’d likely lose both as friends, and for what purpose?

Even if you tell her that you think she should set the record straight, it’s a risk to your friendship and their current positive situation.

She’ll either be terrified and cut you out of their circle, or she’ll speak up and he’ll resent you as talebearer.

It’s a shame that family and other friends also don’t mind their own business, and keep stressing his guilt. These are self-righteous gossips who like keeping someone else down.

Surmounting addictions and turning around a marriage both take huge courage and determination…. likely far more than all those who are judging these two can summon.

My boyfriend complains that I’m ungrateful about accepting gifts. I get uncomfortable but I said I’d try to be gracious.

I recently repainted my bedroom and mentioned I need a picture over my bed.

We're both late-40's and have very different tastes. He brought over two large pictures which he and his young child painted that weekend.

I have very little to do with his child. Mine are grown and I'm not interested in hanging his craft time with his kid in my bedroom.

I appreciate the thought, but I cannot stand these pictures. How do I resolve this? There’s no place else to hang them. They’re juvenile and I have a beautiful home.

Hated Gift

This could be a turning point… the child is permanent even if the pictures go. A boyfriend’s young child eventually has to be welcomed, even into a “beautiful home.” He may be testing you about more than good manners.