Recently, my boyfriend was laid off, so I’ve been working seven days a week to keep groceries on the table and bills paid.
He helps around the house, makes dinner, etc. But by the time I’m home (shift work) I’m exhausted and by bedtime, I just want to sleep.
Because he isn’t working and plays video games, his energy level is so high that he wants to have long sex. I love him and our sex but I can barely keep my eyes open.
What can I say to help ease the problem without seeming rude?
- Sleepy Sex
You can stop thinking you have to be Super Sex Woman; tell him you love him but you can’t flat out, and perform tirelessly in bed. You need rest and soothing, plus the assurance that he’s doing everything he can to get part-time work or another job.
Still, understand that you two do need to stay bonded and his unemployment may be making him feel less “manly,” causing him to want to prove himself in bed.
Stay awake long enough for reassurances to him, and some sex play… just not the marathon sessions for now.
Recently, I’ve moved back home at 29, while at school. My parents are happy to have me back.
However, when I was 11, I was looking for something in my parent’s closet and found a stash of porn. I was horrified that my father looked at this, there was some reference to teenage schoolgirls.
As an adult, I understand this is normal, but then, I believed I was scarred for life.
Ever since, I’ve pulled away from my dad, refusing to let him touch me (we still don’t ever hug). I avoid being physically near him and pick on him sometimes for no reason.
Since that discovery, I found porn bookmarks on my parents’ computer (while searching for other things), and I get creeped out if I walk into a room and he’s on the computer looking busy trying to cover something up.
I know that his porn interest continues, as I’ve seen a movie that was saved to the pay-per-view on the tv guide, again by accident!
I do understand that the house is HIS space, yet I don’t want to find these things.
My dad tries so hard to get along with me. How can I move past this and develop a healthy, happy relationship with him?
- Uncomfortable
It’s interesting that you haven’t mentioned (or considered?) that your mom may also be aware of the porn interest… since you accept it as a “normal” part of some adults’ behaviour (though that’s a debatable matter, I’m responding based on your own attitude), you must also know that some couples enjoy porn together, which is their business.
Yet what you saw as a youngster left a lasting discomfort, which you can only handle now by making a choice.
1) Tell your Dad why you feel awkward ever since that discovery, that you have far more understanding and acceptance now but can’t shed those early feelings, yet you love him and want to get past it. Say it would also be helpful if he were to be more discreet so you don’t come across it.
2) Or, you could see a professional counsellor to talk this through, and ask why it has such a lingering effect. The therapist may help you decide whether to talk about it openly with your dad.
I recently stopped smoking pot but all my friends still do.
When I’m around them, it’s kind of awkward. They're still my friends, but everything seems different.
What should I do?
Also, I like this girl but she has a boyfriend. Is that just the way it is?
- Confused
The inner strength you’ve shown, to look after your own well being, will help you through many choices. You’ve outgrown some of those friends; especially any who try to convince you to smoke pot if you don’t want to.
You may need to see the others in different circumstances when you’re doing other things, e.g. at sports or other activities, but not when smoking.
Look for opportunities to make other friends, too, outside of the old crowd… you may find yourself more comfortable with people who have the same values and interests you now have.
As for the girl, just be friends, she’s taken.
Tip of the day:
When one partner’s sexual energy far outdistances the other’s, it’s time to talk about it and make some compromises.
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