I was supposed to start second-year university in Ottawa, but didn’t love the program, so took a year off.
However, I’m still renting a house there, but living with my parents in Toronto because I recently fell for my best guy friend of four years.
He’s always liked me. Now we’ve told each other we want to date.
However, he won’t stop seeing another much-younger girl until I make a final decision about whether I’m moving or staying here.
Most of my friends here all went back to school, I’d only have him and my job here.
Should I try things out with him which could be long-term, or move back with my friends?
Torn About Moving
His ultimatum about his “other” girlfriend is more disturbing than your rent costs.
The two cities are four hours’ drive or a bus fare apart. Had you liked the academic program, would he have negated feelings for each other and still dated that girl?
He’s pressuring you, to keep you where you say you have no friends.
But relying on a relationship for all your socializing is unhealthy and often turns out badly.
If there are courses starting in January in Ottawa, or anywhere else, focus on your education goals.
You can sublet the house rental, until and if you go to that university.
This new situation with your “best friend” needs to grow, even long-distance, rather than jump to his demand, under a threat that he’ll otherwise stick with someone else.
FEEDBACK Regarding the family who rescued a kitten from the negligent neighbour who found it (Sept. 9):
Reader – “I'm a Registered Veterinary Technician.
“If the kitten’s now an indoor cat, she needs to be inside all the time.
“The neighbour will again let her go outside, which will encourage roaming behaviour and make it harder for the “new” owners to keep her indoors. She’ll cry, scratch to be let out, she could get pregnant.
“Outside dangers include cat fights with cats infected with fatal viruses, coyote attacks, injuries, etc. She can go missing, end up in a shelter, and be euthanized if un-claimed. Who's going to pay for a microchip?
“Will both neighbours feed it the same food? She can get gastro-intestinal upset and bowel movement issues.
“Who will notice if she's not urinating regularly, or having normal bowel movements, or not eating regularly? Who will pay the vet bills? Who will pay for her to be spayed?
“The writer needs to just say No (to sharing the cat or returning it), for the sake of the cat.
“It's not her problem that the other parents were uncommitted to the proper care of this kitten. She did the right thing in rescuing it from the neighbours.
“Their little girl will learn that kittens are not play-things, they require responsibility and a time commitment. Cats can live up to 20 years with proper care and good genetics.”
Ellie – Many thanks for this professional, experienced, and thoughtful commentary.
I’d written that she should keep the cat despite the father’s anger and let their daughter join her children to play with it.
But when she worried about their otherwise “good neighbour” relationship, I wrongly suggested, as a last resort, they might alternate care of the kitten, believing the others would now care for the cat properly.
I’ve been well-informed by this writer that this wouldn’t work out safely for the kitten.
As always, I appreciate reader feedback, and positive suggestions.
My biological parents were killed when I was one-year-old. I was raised by relatives but always felt neglected and mistreated.
They say my parents died in a car crash but I don’t fully believe them.
They forbid questions, refuse showing me pictures. I’m told, "Your father was an unemployed drunk."
How can I improve my situation and find more information on my biological parents?
Need the Truth
If you’re being abused, call Kids Help Phone 1-800-668-6868 and/or go to police.
When possible, do a Google search of their names, scan library files of daily newspaper reports from the time of your first birthday, and police records of car accidents then.
Depending on your age, you’ll likely need help… an interested teacher, or a legal aid researcher?
Also, probe whether you were legally adopted through child welfare records.
You may have to wait till you’re old enough to handle a safe, discreet search.
Tip of the day:
It’s a mistake to rush into a relationship under pressure of “losing out” to someone else.