My son's in-laws take over every holiday and special occasion, leaving us out. They have more money for trips and restaurant meals so they offer the couple a vacation in Florida during Christmas, a fancy restaurant for their daughter's birthday, etc. We're lucky to get a two-hour visit on our son's birthday.

Our first grandchild's due this summer, and I'm worried we'll be cut out completely.

Pushed Aside

Start talking to your son and daughter-in-law with enthusiasm about the coming baby. It's somewhat natural that your DIL's more involved with her own parents, so show her that you feel just as interested in this exciting event.

Ask how you can help e.g. offering to shop with her to buy some of the layette, or making some frozen meals ahead for when the baby comes. Don't compete with the other grandparents; just do what you can afford.

These early gestures should start to make a difference. Also, invite your son's in-laws along with him and his wife to your house, well in advance, for your son's next birthday or some other occasion.

Recognize that it's hard for the couple to resist the gift of Christmas in Florida. So select one day before or after the trip as "your" Christmas and make it joyful.

Reasonable people can understand your feelings about this, so, if things don't change, talk to the couple and talk to her parents as well, stating that you want to participate in these holidays and special events.

However, if they are not reasonable, do the best you can to get together with your son, his wife and baby, any day rather than holidays.

Patterns such as this Florida Christmas trip usually change over time, as families grow. Remain good-natured and welcoming, and they'll likely come around.

I'm in my mid-40s and don't have many friends. I have two close friends in their 50s but feel like we don't have a lot in common. I'd like to make some younger friends in their 30s or 40s but I just can't make any since I have very low self-esteem and find myself being too shy.

I feel sad because, while I appreciate having my 50-year-old friends, I feel like they're so old and don't enjoy the same things I do. I'd like to stop spending as much time with them, but I don't want to hurt their feelings since they really haven't done anything wrong.

How do I get some distance without hurting their feelings? How do I find some friends in my age range? I'm too old to go to clubs, and they were never right for me when I was young!

Need Change

You're considering giving up on two people who've been close and loyal, when you admittedly aren't very good at making new friends.

BUT, your ageist attitude won't carry well with many people. Though you may envy cliques of people in their 30s or 40s, the most interesting individuals have friends and acquaintances across the age spectrum.

Moreover, your friends of 50 may NOT be too old, but rather, part of the problem here is that YOU bring no new ideas, energy, or spark to your connection with them, if you already feel this way.

Work on yourself before casting off people who care about you. Focus on improving your own self-esteem, through counselling.

A happy, confident person attracts people, even when going alone to community events, fitness activities, etc. where you may also meet same-age people.

Due to demanding university courses and abuse from my peers, I've been stress eating and regained weight that I'd lost. People at the university blame me for my actions rather than understand what's causing me to overeat.

I left the university after being teased and bullied for several years. I now have other friends who are helping me, especially my boyfriend who's helped me move on from the abuse.

I want to go from 300 pounds back to 200 at least. What should I do?

Helping Myself

You're on a good track with supportive friends. You need some professional help, too - a therapist to overcome the abuse, a doctor to rule out any health factors affecting weight gain, and a nutritionist to gain knowledge of good eating habits.

To manage a large weight loss, be certain that you're proceeding in a healthy way, and making lifestyle changes that will last.