I started dating a hilarious, fun man one month ago. He's really cool, and I enjoy his company. He’s bisexual; I’m gay. I don't have a problem with his bisexuality.
My feelings for him grow every time we're together - rare for me past the first date, if there's even the smallest "red flags.”
But now I’m scared that another person, in particular a woman, could some day provide him with something I cannot.
I know that as a gay man I should be more open and accepting, but I'm afraid I'm opening myself up for disappointment. We haven't had “the talk” yet, but I want to delay it awhile.
We also haven't had sex due to each of our current living arrangements and it’d be awkward to have "the talk" before any intimacy.
I'm trying to avoid a classic "heartbreak" situation. The last man I dated seriously was four years ago and he passed away.
Am I just finding an excuse with his sexuality to keep myself jaded and skeptical? Or, is it a fair thing to be worried about? I also fear appearing ignorant or insulting him.
You’re working hard at building up your emotional armour, but it’s NOT necessary. Every new relationship could pose the same question, no matter the sexual identification involved: “Will someone else come along to replace me?”
Creating a wall of fear is counter-productive. It’ll show, and that signal often pushes people away as the new person looks needy.
Also these are early days… one month only tells you about “like” between you, obviously the humour too, but little more beyond mutual attraction.
Slow down, and let the details of who each other is, and what each wants, become apparent.
Then, when you’re both more certain of each other, don’t be afraid to ask him questions about long-term goals, just as many couples, straight or gay, eventually do.
Does he raise children? With a wife? Or can he see having a lasting relationship, possibly with children too, in a gay union?
I've been married to a medical professional for three years. The biggest problem I have is his inability to compromise, especially on major issues like having children, and his desire to live overseas.
Before we married he said, “Let's wait until we reach that point.” Now we’ve reached it, and I’ve sacrificed a lot to be with this man. He’s the “my-way-or-the-highway” type.
I'm a patient person, but he’s often taken advantage of that.
How do I get him to meet eye to eye with me?
It's a constant power struggle and he always tries to be in control. He refuses to seek counseling for us.
I'm starting to give up hope on him changing!
Not clear whether it’s kids and/or the move overseas that you want or don’t want, but it’s obvious he’s calling all the shots.
Some people in his profession tend to be strongly decisive, related to their work. Time to tell him you’re a partner, not a patient.
The choices about starting family or not, and where to live, must be mutual, or it’s a set-up for fights and eventual splits. You’ve already reached the boiling point of frustration. Tell him so.
Lots of sacrifices are made in marriages, but it can’t be only one person making them. Tell him he either discusses the future with you with an open mind, or you’ll have to weigh your options.
See a lawyer if he refuses to give you equal hearing and an equal voice.
My family, as well as my nephews and my brother, have been "uninvited" to our other brother's second wedding. This has all been so sudden, hurtful, and confusing.
Do I still acknowledge the occasion with a card and/or flowers? My brother will not see any of us, or talk on the phone. His only communication is texting and the messages are very cruel and hurtful.
I don't wish to see any more texts (I have not responded to his recent ones), as I don't want to keep engaging. I'm afraid a gift my make him angrier.
Take the high road. Send a card of well wishes, flowers to the bride, and make a charitable donation in the couple’s names.
If there’s any chance for repairing the bad feelings later on, you’ll need to have acknowledged the wedding.
Try to find a cause your brother would care about and he’ll eventually appreciate the gesture.
Tip of the day:
Anxieties about risking a relationship can destroy its chances.