I’m an attractive girl in high school, with an active social life and same-age friends, but I’ve always found older men appealing.
I can’t talk to anyone about this because I just turned 16 and my boyfriend of six months is 47.
Despite our wide age gap, he’s hot, caring, and loving. He’s my soul-mate.
We met at a Starbucks. I love everything about him but I feel a little uncomfortable about some of his sexual requests.
I’ve never been sexually intimate before and recently lost my virginity to him.
The intimacy still hurts a little but my doctor says it’ll ease gradually.
What bothers me is when my boyfriend asks that he watches me on the toilet, or that I perform some really gross stuff on him.
I do whatever he asks because I love him and I don't want to lose him.
How can I make him understand that some of those things don’t turn me on?
Also, lately he’s enforcing his views on me. He asked me to stop wearing my belly- button ring and that I dye my hair dark from my natural blonde.
I’m unsure how I feel about this controlling behaviour.
Here’s how you should feel about all the specific things you mentioned – Upset, Scared, Angry, Done.
Your boyfriend knows what he’s doing is wrong.
You lost your virginity to him “recently” because he waited till you were 16 and not “jailbait.”
Yet what he’s doing IS illegal, even if you’re at the age of consent, because of the power advantage he has over you due to his age.
Someone who loves you and knows how new you are to intimacy, wouldn’t ask for things you find so “gross.” Instead of being tender, he’s going for kinky sex and satisfaction for him, not you.
Talk to someone who cares about you – a parent, a trusted adult. Tell your doctor that this boyfriend’s 30 years older than you and what he asks for.
Do NOT debase yourself physically or mentally for what you think is love. This man is a sexual predator who “found” you in a coffee shop.
His demands that you change yourself for him present clear danger.
He’ll soon isolate you from your family and friends, restrict where you go or anything beyond what he allows.
If ending this relationship feels too difficult or frightening, call the police.
I’m getting married within months and everything’s perfect - except for my half-sister.
She’s never said one nice thing about my fiancé (he’s of a different culture).
She’s not spoken to me for eight months due to her grandson, age six, abusing my son, age four, who’s now attending counselling.
She blames the incident on me as children’s services were called by my doctor. Her grandson has behavioural issues.
Yet, she’s my father’s daughter, and I feel obligated to invite her to the wedding.
I have nightmares about her ruining my day.
My fiancé doesn’t want her to attend.
My dad says he doesn’t care as it’s my day… but I don't want to insult my dad.
Don’t insult your father or her.
And don’t use this excuse. She’s not to blame for her grandson’s abuse.
She’s immediate family, despite that you obviously have some troubled history.
Focus on the wedding itself and your happiness with your groom.
He shouldn’t exclude your family from the wedding. He doesn’t have to like her or see her often, but this is a day on which you both show your optimism for the future.
I've been seeing a great woman for two months. She’ll repeatedly mention her ex-boyfriend.
She insists they don't have a future together, and she's ready to move on.
I don't mind hearing about her past, but I'm tired of hearing about him.
I feel I should step back for several weeks and let her figure out if she’s really ready to start a new relationship with me.
Enough About Him
She’s NOT clear about being ready for a new relationship with you or anyone else.
Meanwhile, she’s airing out her past, bringing her memories into your knowledge of her.
It happens in every relationship – somewhat – but if it’s too close to her last relationship, the constant history telling can overwhelm your ability to hang in and build new stories together.
Take that break. Explain why, kindly. She may need more than a few weeks to know what she can handle.
Tip of the day:
“Gross” sexual demands and control of a teenager raise alarms to RUN and call police.