My boyfriend of two years and I each have a child from a previous relationship. We love both as our own.
Throughout our relationship he’s been doing things he shouldn't do, e.g. going on dating apps and talking to other girls in ways he shouldn't.
Recently, I discovered he’d posted that he’s seeking a second partner for sex, no strings attached.
All the while, I’d been taking it personally thinking I wasn't attractive enough or I just didn't have what he needed anymore.
I was exhausted from all this hurt and wondering when’s the right time for me to walk away.
I did leave for a few weeks, then we got together and he finally told me why he does all these things.
He said that I'm perfect, and he loves our family.
But he just does those things for attention, to see what kind of girls are interested. He gets the urge and needs to follow through.
I know he doesn't actually want to sleep with anyone else and has offered to get help before he does something he’ll regret.
The trust in our relationship has obviously suffered severely but we still have more good days than bad.
But when should I walk away or do I need to?
I have severe depression and anxiety, so when I start thinking about what he’s done that’s hurt me - even though it wasn't specifically to hurt me - it's overwhelming and exhausting. Do I keep fighting for our family, and us or is it best to let go?
What To Do?
Take care of you, because he’s busy indulging himself, and ignoring that he’s hurting you.
You’d do well to talk this over with whoever is treating your depression and anxiety. If no one is, get to a counsellor and/or doctor.
If this is how he handles a still-new relationship, with two young kids involved, the long-term future doesn’t look promising.
He’s playing with fire – but says he’ll only get help if and when someone gets burned.
Wake up; he’s already doing that to you.
My wife of 17 years was caught sex-ting with her friend’s husband. She denied any physical involvement and said it meant nothing to her.
Another of her friend’s husbands also said he had an affair with her, which she denies.
So many lies, it’s hard to believe her, but I love her very much and want to believe her.
She says she doesn't remember when I ask for details, such as how many times did it happen, or when did it start.
She wants to bury this and move on, promising nothing like this will ever happen again, and that she was misled by the other person. She says she’s the victim.
But I’m the one who was hurt and betrayed.
How can I get her to open up and be honest? If she isn't going to tell me everything so we can resolve this then I will have to leave, because I can’t spend my life with someone I don't trust.
Set-up for Failure
Read the question above. Your reaction to someone else being hurt and told unlikely tales, will give you insight into your own situation.
Your wife was “misled,” and became the victim? Does that mean she didn’t understand how sex-ting and having an affair would affect you?
Here’s another person who can turn around self-indulgence and, in this case, outright cheating.
She’s unlikely to tell the truth.
FEEDBACK Regarding the woman whose sister left her husband and children (June 25):
Reader – “Why, when a woman does something wrong or selfish, she’s not called out for it and blame’s often put on the man (husband)?
“You found excuses for her leaving, or blamed her husband like her actions were justified.
“No, maybe she’s just a selfish, unfeeling person who didn't care about her husband and children.
“Also, you tell the writer that cutting her sister off would create a divide that would include her children who need support through this.
“Not one word about how her husband’s feeling and that he may need support as well.
“I’m sure that if the genders were reversed, the man would’ve been vilified.”
Ellie – Not so. See second question and my answer, above.
On June 25, the sisters’ sibling relationship was at issue. I suggested staying connected because, yes, I was most concerned about her sister’s children.
Tip of the day:
Partners who don’t own up to their own guilty straying, can’t be trusted. Period.