Many years ago I had a close friend who became a high-profile lawyer, frequently in the media; she married a corporate executive and they began a glamorous and expensive lifestyle far different from mine.
She soon dropped me ... without explanation. I wasn't too surprised. She'd previously "moved on" from some friends. I understood that she'd become involved with a new social set, that she and her husband travelled a lot and she had a busy career.
But I missed her. We'd had a lot of laughs together, and had helped each other through some difficult experiences. So I was hurt when, years later, I bumped into her and there was no warmth - just a passing hello, not even a "how-are-you."
Recently, she's had some losses - her husband died after their finances had diminished greatly due to risky investments; her own health isn't great. I know all this from the media, not her.
Should I reach out to her, despite her chilly manner when last we met?
You have a good heart; but you also need a good sense of self-esteem, to be comfortable with whatever this hot-n'-cold former friend dishes out.
She may appreciate your gesture of interest and concern. OR, it's just as likely that she'll hate being approached when she's "down," since she's clearly someone who loved being "up" so much that she dropped anyone who wasn't on her trajectory.
Proceed with sincerity, laced with restraint. Send a note to say you're thinking of her, and suggest she respond if she'd like to get together some time for a visit. Keep it brief, cheerful, open-ended. And if she responds, still proceed with caution onto the slippery terrain of her kind of friendship.
My girlfriend was recently the unfortunate victim of a disgusting sexual molestation on the way home from work on the subway. The appropriate authorities were notified and we hope that this person will be brought to justice soon.
However, she's been left with the aftermath. She's handled it tremendously well, with amazing strength. But she's still struggling, trying to figure out what to do and how she can get over something like this.
In a Quandary
Follow her lead. If she wants to talk about this incident, keep listening; she needs to vent and she needs to know she has your ongoing support.
However, if she's questioning if she did anything to cause the incident, reluctant to have affection or intimacy with you, unhappy during her otherwise-ordinary day, then suggest that she talk to a professional therapist about it.
Disturbing events like this sometimes triggers old hurts, fears, and/or past traumas, so don't be surprised if her reaction seems very strong.
The authorities that she informed may even have suggestions about which therapist to see - someone who's experienced with emotional reactions to a random stranger assault. Show your understanding that it's normal for her to get counselling help. Offer to take her or pick her up from the appointment, so she doesn't feel she's facing this alone.
I snooped and discovered my live-in boyfriend, late-30s, was on a dating site, chatting to a 19-year-old. Whether he'd cheated or not, the intent was there, he was definitely going that route. I thank my lucky stars that I came across this information, as I'd hate to be living a lie.
You snooped, you found something, and you acted on it. That's better than continually snooping, while staying in a relationship of distrust.
Is there a polite way to get rid of pushy telephone sales promoters? It no longer matters to me whether the calls come during the busy dinnertime hour, after work, or on a lazy Sunday afternoon.
I resent the intrusions at any time, and the tenacity of the callers - even after I say, I'm not interested - annoys me even more.
I have friends who slam down the phone angrily, but that seems so rude, when I know the callers are just trying to do their job. What else can I do?
I'm of the quick hang-up persuasion, myself; I find that any other approach such as, "Thanks, but our windows are working perfectly," just prompts a stream of chatter about one-time-only bargains, new-look designs, etc. So here's this call for broader "research":
Dear Readers, Do you have an effective and civilized way to end a telephone sales pitch?
Tip of the day:
When a friendship's easily dropped, don't expect an easy revival.