I broke up with my first love, after dating him for two years. It was really messy. I had ended a lot of friendships with those people who had problems with him, and I ended up having huge distrust about him being with different girls.
He’s a charmer, whereas I have a strong, no-nonsense personality. Even though the breakup was his fault, all of his friends stopped talking to me.
It’s because he's always crying about me, yet contradicting himself by having flings.
I have become anti-social, sitting at home depressed, because people who used to be my friends have cut me out, but they still talk to him.
I broke up with him because he doesn't know how to be loyal, and I feel heartbroken that his friends show him loyalty, but none of my friends can support me. How can I get over this problem?
Left Behind By All
Too much re-hashing of who did what to whom, and expecting friends to stay connected to your saga, is too much drama for some people to follow, especially after it’s over. It’s not about their being disloyal; it’s about you facing reality. He’s a charmer, had flings, you rightly broke up with him. Period.
Close friends will be happy to see you get out of the house and start socializing again. Begin small and comfortable…. coffee with someone, a movie with another, show that you’re trying to move forward.
Just because he was your first love didn’t mean he’d be the right one to be your lasting love. He wasn’t, and you were wise to dump him.
My wife has withdrawn all sex, and all intimacy. I’ve tried everything, including talking about her affair 40 years ago.
We’re approaching our 50th wedding anniversary, and I don't know what is happening in our marriage. I am becoming desperate.
I'm in contact with a woman I knew many years ago, and feeling guilty about it.
Need Help Now
Long-married couples in senior years can still enjoy forms of intimacy at whatever level works for them. But your raking up of her long-ago affair suggests you either never got over it, or you believe it’s still affecting her.
Moreover, your mention of contact with another woman is a common threat that some people raise in these situations… but it’s a tactic that often backfires.
Stay with the immediate problem, which is, your wife is trying to tell you something and you’re not finding out what it is. Libido loss? Health scare? Mood change? Anger?
If it’s intimacy you want, you need to show love and concern about what’s motivating her. Perhaps she’s afraid to tell you, or doesn’t know herself why she’s feeling this way. Suggest a medical check-up to make sure there’s no health problem at issue.
And talk to her… about sharing these next years in a loving way.
My brother-in-law loves my sister but has a temper. Recently, they argued and he slapped her in front of me.
I’d raised my sister after our parents died. Though he later apologized to us both, when I see him, anger explodes within me. I control myself because I don’t want to interfere in her married life.
But I feel like making him understand how it feels to get thrashed.
Interfere, in a rational way, as example. Tell him privately that if he hits her again, you’ll report his abuse to police. Insist - for his marriage sake - that he get anger management counselling.
Since acting as executor of my mother's estate, a huge amount of backstabbing, gossip, and fighting has emerged.
I’m the oldest of six, appointed by my parents years ago. After the final estate distribution was received from the lawyers, the main issue (for some siblings) was the amount of executor's fees I’d receive plus the amount of the legal bill, which did seem excessive. I’m being blamed for accepting these fees.
Legacy money often divides family trust, especially if anyone inherits more. Thus, anyone designated “executor” of a will needs to be alert to potential perceived unfairness.
It’s best to be transparent throughout the process and let others involved know the amount of time taken, and the normal rates for this effort.
Lawyers’ fees should be discussed ahead to see if they’re in accord with the norm. If unreasonably high, a complaint can be made to the Law Society for your area.
Tip of the day:
Be aware that many friends can’t take too much re-hashing of a romance that’s over.