My friend, 43, is cheating on his wife; she's also my friend and I can barely talk to her for fear of spilling this news. I know he's cheating because he's repeatedly asked my boyfriend to lie about their being together at work events or at bars.

I see that he's unhappy in his marriage. I also see that he and his wife drifted apart a long time ago and don't do much together, though both love their two young daughters.

His wife thinks they're fine as a couple - just that he's working very hard and often "late." Actually, he's fooling around with several women who don't seem to care that he (or they) are married.

I know for sure that his wife WILL care. I also think he could pass on a sexually transmitted disease, and that's so unfair! Do I tell her and possibly lose both friends, or do I keep my mouth shut?

Between A Rock and Hard Place

Dear Readers, the essence of this question - to tell or not tell - keeps turning up in this column. I've been consistent with my general view, that delivering the news that could break up a marriage - especially where kids are involved - is NOT a friend's job.

BUT, there've been special circumstances that made me respond differently, such as a case where there was evidence that could prevent someone passing on the life-threatening illness of syphilis.

Let's poll our thoughts and see what many of you think. Faced with the above situation, Would You Tell? And why, or why not?

Who's responsible for protecting children who might have a peanut allergy: the parent of the affected child, or the host of a children's birthday party?

Unsure

The mother's most responsible, but it still "takes a village to raise a child." It's easy to include a question about food or other serious allergies in a party invitation.

FEEDBACK Insight regarding the woman who anguishes over lost pregnancies and being childless (May 31) and feels nobody understands:

Reader - "This woman is fighting against a society that treats pregnancy and infant-loss as something not to be mentioned. Society doesn't recognize her as a mother on the day set aside every year to honour those lucky enough

to have carried to term and had their children survive.

"It's a loss incomprehensible to anyone who hasn't been through it; a loss of dreams, hopes, potential. There's a sense of failure as a woman because you were unable to successfully procreate.

"My husband and I have been battling infertility for five years - had invitro fertilization (IVF) pregnancies, and losses. We're lucky enough that it's brought us closer rather than driving us apart - so far.

"We're lucky to afford treatment and the prospect of adoption (neither cheap nor simple, so not an option for everyone).  

"We're healthy physically emotionally and

psychologically, but there are days (weeks) when it all gets

brought home again, such as Mother's Day, Father's Day, should've-been-birthdays.

"The pain that they bring shouldn't be ignored, the loss shouldn't be forgotten.

"It'd be better to educate society to support people who've experienced the loss of a child and not make assumptions about childless individuals or couples.

"As much as this woman has personal issues which she needs to address, society needs to wake up to the reality of pregnancy and infant-loss. It's far more common than people think, and far more significant to the people who face it."

An Aspiring Parent

My mother-in-law went partially blind and lost her job; now she's controlling her family as her lifeline though she's capable of doing much more.

His parents helped us 100% financially with our house; does that allow her to disrespect us? She never asks how I want things done with our son.

I told my husband to set clear boundaries. We fight constantly about his parents. If my MIL doesn't change I'll have to cut them out of our lives OR divorce my husband!

Fed Up

Be clear about what you want for your son. But have some understanding, too. Losing eyesight and also a job can set anyone into over-reactive behaviour. The family should be encouraging your MIL's confidence in looking after herself more.

Have her baby-sit less often, if that's when she's with your son; and plan some re-payment of the "financial help," so you can live more independently.