My boyfriend of two years is 28, and I'm 29. Many of our friends are getting married and having babies. We both fear ending up in an unhappy marriage, so we're working hard to communicate and negotiate.
In the past year, I've developed what society refers to as the "ticking biological clock." He says he's never considered marriage while in past relationships, he has no sense of urgency, but he sees his future with me.
Why are some guys content to date with commitment, while it seems that so many other guys are ready and excited to take the marriage and baby step? Is it an age thing? The length of the relationship? A maturity thing... or something else?
You both are expressing fears, so likely both have seen through family and/or friends the pain of unhappy marriages. It makes you both more wary, and perhaps in his case, less likely to rush things.
Those other seemingly enthusiastic guys may've had their own hesitancies before they took the plunge, of which you're not aware. Meanwhile, you two are doing well to learn ahead some techniques of good communication and negotiation.
The clock "ticking" in terms of needing to conceive soon for the better chance of a healthy baby refers to when a woman is in her early-to-mid-30s. Becoming aware of this age-related timing is certainly wise, but there's no immediate deadline looming.
However, after two years, it's appropriate to discuss a timeline. When does he think is the time for moving the relationship to the next level of an engagement? What does he feel has to be in place for this? What are your thoughts on these questions?
If he puts off this kind of discussion, it's fair to tell him you're worried about ever having a future together, and that his assurances have to soon carry the weight of proof.
How do I avoid being jealous when my ex-husband starts dating again? How do I avoid asking myself that I did wrong or why I wasn't good enough?
Your marriage didn't break up because you weren't good enough, but rather because you two had problems you couldn't (or wouldn't) resolve. You may be jealous for awhile, it's a natural feeling, but you also need to remember that he is not a perfect person, and what you're missing is the man you once thought he was and not the man who ended up apart from you.
If you can't get past the jealousy and low self-esteem from this split, get counselling to help you value yourself and what you have to offer in a next relationship.
My boyfriend says he didn't give Christmas gifts, because he's Jewish.
I believe he's just a miser coming up with an excuse for not spending money on me. We've been in a relationship for a year.
He has a well-paying job and no financial distress. I'm ready to break up because of this.
After a year, you've seen if he's cheap in other areas... e.g. dating costs, travel style, birthday gift for you, etc. If not, he may have a serious religious-based discomfort with celebrating Christmas, which isn't part of his belief system.
He could've given you a Chanukah present instead, but perhaps decided it's inappropriate for a non-Jew.
All this leads to the obvious conclusion that if he's religious, he's unlikely to marry you or even take the relationship seriously. That's the conversation you need to have. Or forget the gift issue and him.
I'm 21. My boyfriend of six years would be a good husband, but I've always loved another guy. We have much in common. I feel like a different person when with him. He has a girlfriend but feels the same way as me.
Timing was always an issue with him. We secretly spend a lot of time together, but never do anything inappropriate.
Should I stay in a relationship I'm sure will work out, or take a shot with the guy I've loved my entire life?
There's no one forcing you either way... or at least there should NOT be - not even within your own mind. You're clinging to someone you met at 15, and sneaking around with someone who's attached. Grow up.
Break off with your boyfriend. Marrying him would be a mistake, especially for him, since you don't love him. Don't rush to the other guy either.
Tip of the day:
When the future feels too vague and far off, work on a timeline together.