I’ve been secretly "seeing" this guy for 18 months, as my parents didn't want us together. It was more of a "fling” than a relationship.

We were going to tell my parents, but he went to college, and we drifted apart. He’d only talk to me when he wanted something… late night phone calls.

I felt used and found another guy. But I still had feelings for him and continued our “phone calls.” Not something I'm proud of.

The new guy is a sweetheart and treats me like a princess, but I can't seem to get over the other guy, who has a girlfriend now.

When they first got together, we still had our "phone calls," and when he returned home for the summer we wanted to get together but it had to be sneaky. Then he refused, he didn’t want to mess things up with his girlfriend.

It angers me because I did ANYTHING for him. I feel I was being used the whole time, but part of me still wants to be with him.

Yet I’m realizing how good my new boyfriend is and how much I care for him.

It must be true about never getting over your first love.

- Need Your Thoughts

I’m hoping my thoughts help you snap out of your self-demeaning attraction to Mr. User: You’re the one who allowed yourself to be used, only to be rejected for someone else.

The sneaking around you did to avoid your parents (who may’ve seen something negative in this guy, which you missed) set the scene for your role giving benefits and phone-sex. This was NEVER a nourishing, respectful, loving relationship.

Now, think better of yourself, and enjoy what you have with this new boyfriend.

My husband is a commissioned salesperson with many satisfied customers who refer their family and friends to him, because he’s fair, trustworthy and good at what he does.

The problem is with our own family members who’ve promised to use his services, get free advice and then use another salesperson. Don't they understand that this is how my husband supports his family?

My husband says it happens often and we just need to accept it. But these family members didn't have the decency to call him with an explanation or an apology.

I was raised that family looks out for family. If people have so little respect or consideration for my husband and his family, why should we waste any time with them?

I don't want to attend the Christmas function because I’d rather spend time with people who care about us.

- Hurt

I agree that people should explain what they’re doing when they get free advice but go elsewhere.

However, you’re expecting too much when you think family should always buy from family. Many people worry that when dealing with relatives, matters can get awkward if something goes wrong; or, they expect a “deal” and feel slighted if they didn’t get offered one.

Or, someone else has a product, which they prefer or offers extra services.

Many people get asked for free advice by family and friends – doctors, lawyers, accountants, stockbrokers, salespeople, business owners, etc. are all tapped for their knowledge.

If Hubby resents it, he should answer in a limited way only, saying he gives full information and options, only once a sale is in process.

Don’t make a Christmas upset out of this; it’ll diminish his professional reputation if his wife “punishes” those who don’t buy.

My brother recently began dating and found a girlfriend he adored. He spent hours with her, and on the phone. They've spent some weekends together.

But, suddenly, she said she's unsure that he's ever liked her and they shouldn't stay together, even though he's said he loves her and doesn't under stand why she doubts him.

Should I encourage him to pursue more or give up? He looks to me for advice.

- Sister of Lovesick

Your brother will learn about relationships through his own experience. He may have smothered this girl with his attention; or she simply may be “over him.”

His best approach is to tell her straight-up that he does love her, and needs to know what happened, no matter what it is. Then he must be prepared to accept her answer, rather than argue against it.

Be supportive, but let him decide when he’s ready to handle it.