My boyfriend collects toys – action figures, army men, miniature racing cars, etc. 

We live in a small apartment and are expecting our first baby.

I can’t stand the clutter, or the dust!

- Fed Up

Here’s the perfect New Daddy gift: A display case and storage boxes. He gets to show off his current favorites, and can rotate the collection. 

Hand him some dust cloths and a few hours to himself to clean up, display some toys, and put away others.

He’ll be delighted that you’ve acknowledged his unique taste and personal nostalgia. And he’ll have some ready-made toys and history to share with your child when he/she is old enough to marvel at it all.

My mom died six years ago and it’s been especially hard on my retired father. My brothers and I regularly spending time with him so he doesn’t get lonely. 

Recently, I found cocaine in his home and since noticed times when he’s either very happy and energetic to downright tired.

I’m in a bind as to whether I should confront him about his drug use or let my old man enjoy the latter part of his life the way he wants.

I feel wrong telling my father what he can and can’t do with his life since he was the man who raised me.

- Wavering

Look after your parent with a view to his health and overall wellbeing, not just to keep him indulged. 

Using addictive drugs to mask his grief and loneliness has no long-term benefits, only potential health effects and financial costs.

He needs to get out to socialize with old friends and to make new ones who are similarly on their own.

Along with your brothers, get pro-active about finding and accompanying him (initially) to social activities, volunteering, and interest groups.

Also, get him to his doctor to check him for depression. Cocaine is only giving him short-term and expensive relief, when what he needs is a new lease on life.

I’m in my late 40’s, on my own again, raising two great sons.  

I have a good job, own my own house, am an outgoing and optimistic.

So why do I keep making the wrong choices in men?

I was married for 15 years to a man who was very controlling; after 2 failed attempts at leaving him, I finally took my boys and moved on.

My sons and I are very close; the oldest is especially protective of me.

I’ve had two more unsuccessful relationships.

Most recently, a man I loved said, after living with us for two years, that he wasn’t happy and hadn’t been for a long time.

He moved back to his ex-wife and daughter. He has a good job but drinks heavily when he’s not at work.

I realize there’s a pattern, and I pick guys who aren’t good for me.

I’m the youngest in my family; a people pleaser.

- Lost

Start looking to “please” yourself and your sons. 

Knowing the unhealthy pattern that you’ve developed is only a start. Now you have to recognize when the next “pattern candidate” comes along. After all, whom were you pleasing when you decided it was okay to bring an alcoholic into your lives?

Straighten your backbone and live with the conviction that you all deserve better. And banish old beliefs that you must accept negative behaviour instead of insisting on compromises and positive benefits to the whole family.

My boyfriend and I have been together for eleven months and went through the worst in the beginning, due to my mental illness. But now that things aren’t going so well with my medical condition, he’s ready to give up. 

I don’t want it to end because I care so deeply for him and believe we can get through this.

- Determined

Your guy may simply be tired of having to be the strong, upbeat partner. 

It may not feel fair to you, but he has a right to decide if this relationship has more challenges than he can handle.

If you pressure him too hard, that’ll be the last straw.

Take a break, willingly, and with understanding for his need for it.

If he feels as much caring as you do, he may come back with energy and renewed love. If he doesn’t, he’s not the right guy for your needs.