Me and my wife constantly argue; she never admits a mistake or takes responsibility in any conflict while I’ve apologized on numerous occasions. She believes my way of thinking is wrong and doesn’t believe in talking to a counsellor.
To her, I wasn’t generous enough; when I spend more money the problem is, I don’t spend enough time.
After being at home more, she said, “You don’t love me enough.” How can I possibly make her happy? What am I doing wrong?
We’re in our 40s, have no kids, both working and are doing well financially.
What are a man’s duties toward his wife and what are the wife’s?
With both of you in similar roles as partners and income-producers, you have the same responsibilities: 1) to respect each other and be sensitive to each other’s needs; 2) to share tasks and expenses; 3) to work at the marriage.
You two seem 0 for 0 in this futile game of “Who’s At Fault.” You’re avoiding real communication – she, through constant criticism, you, through being defensive.
Face reality – there’s no joy or point to this union unless you find out what’s really going wrong. Maybe you don’t express love other than to jump at her barking; maybe she’s unhappy for deeper reasons than you two have been willing to discuss.
Going to counselling may be your only hope for staying together. Tell her.
I moved to another city and my boyfriend of one year and I visit each other regularly. We love each other but we fight a lot. I’m 18 and this is my first serious relationship.
I’ve discovered I have so many issues; I get upset about everything. Distance only makes it worse.
I’ve broken up with him before, and the day after our one-year anniversary we called it quits for good.
I know he’d put up with anything to be with me but I don’t believe it can work out, due to my issues.
What should I do?
Read the question above; then congratulate yourself for important self-discoveries early on, to avoid getting stuck in a future relationship full of conflict.
Now, examine those “issues.” Think about whether they’re hang-ups developed while young, but no longer appropriate; or whether they’re principles and beliefs you uphold as an adult.
Knowing the difference is part of maturity, and helpful in all relationships.
I’m an educated, attractive, Christian woman, 37, whose husband bailed with an Internet lover two years ago. I have four children (ages 2-8).
My free time is very limited and I’m often exhausted. Having my children’s and my life in turmoil makes me feel even lonelier.
I enjoy others’ company but the closeness of a partner is definitely lacking, yet I feel like not even a “decent” man would want to take on the responsibility of a traditional home-life with me.
Am I just dreaming that I’ll find someone in the near future? And where would I find a loving, educated, child-oriented man who isn’t taken?
- Losing Hope
Start with your own lifestyle and interests: Involve yourself and the children in your faith-based community – from pre-school programs to single parents’ groups. You’ll get some relief from constant childcare and meet other family-minded adults.
Broaden your network to include neighbours, friends, grandparents, etc. and let them all know you want to date and eventually find a partner.
Stop dreaming and get pro-active in making your current life more enjoyable; it’ll also make you a more attractive potential partner.
My friend and I went through a situation and I promised I wouldn’t say anything.
I then told another friend I thought I could trust, because I had no one else to turn to. I’ve apologized to the first friend, and I was in tears, but that didn’t cut it.
I want our close friendship back, but the friend told me to forget it.
- What To Do?
You blabbed, you bear the consequences: Since this was a serious situation, you revealed yourself as an untrustworthy, disloyal friend. By comparison, the person you told was just a gossip.
Forget the tears; write a sincere note of how deeply sorry you are, and how much you’ve valued and miss the friendship. Do NOT repeat that you had no one else to turn to; you were seeking attention.
Hopefully, you’ve learned what a promise means… to apply to future friendships, if this one’s remains lost.
Tip of the day:
Constant fighting is either a cop-out from open communication, or a bad choice.