I’ve in love with this guy for more than a year but I know he’s bad for me - he smokes and drinks almost everyday. 

When he finally asked me out this week I was ecstatic. But only yesterday I found out that he’s cheating on me.

I want to stay with him but I don’t know if I can handle it. He lives in Indiana and I live in Illinois. He’s my brother’s friend and two years older than me.

My brother’s okay with the relationship but doesn’t think I should date him.

- Sad

Big Brother is wisely watching over you, so take his concern seriously. He knows his friend far better than you do, and knows the reasons why you shouldn’t date him. 

Your own view of this guy is based on a fantasy - imagining you’re “in love” when you didn’t know this person beyond hello.

You ignored his smoking and drinking habits - which you don’t like - and daydreamed that this one date request is a relationship. It’s not.

Start learning to tell the difference between a player and a keeper, and have the self-confidence to avoid anyone “bad” for you.

I recently split with my partner of eight years; we have a toddler together and I just moved out. 

I told him I started seeing someone else and he flipped out and started causing problems with the guy.

The new guy wants to slow things down – I don’t hear from him for days. Suddenly he comes back for one night, then the next night he says we should slow down again due to my situation.

I know it sounds like I’m just a booty call but he honestly doesn’t seem like that kind of person. He said he really likes me, but doesn’t need the drama from the ex.

- Confused

Read my lips: You ARE JUST a booty call, and you know it. This guy is taking advantage of your reckless behaviour of starting up with him when you were still involved, and being available for sex whenever HE chooses. 

Yet he’s smarter than you, by not wanting the drama that you created yourself, when you flaunted the affair to your ex.

You don’t mention concern for the effect of this upheaval on your toddler, leaving the impression that your involvement with men drives you more than your responsibilities as a mother.

Grow up. If the baby’s father was the wrong man for the long-term, so be it.

However, he has parental rights and you need to be able to get along for the child’s sake, so stop your part in this soap opera.

Just say NO to Mr. One-Nighter. He’s not really that interested, anyway.

My brother-in-law dislikes my son, because of a fight that occurred between his son and mine, which they haven’t resolved. 

But since the “boys” are both early-30s, I figure it’s their issue, not ours. Yet he carries a grudge, and my sister and I could no longer have family celebrations together at Christmas or for future birthdays.

What should I do?

- Unhappy Siblings

Keep contact with your sister, see each other whenever possible, and make a mutual commitment that both of you stay above this squabble. 

When possible, also have contact with your nephew…e.g. send birthday cards; but don’t discuss the argument that occurred.

Hopefully, time will ease the cousins’ dispute, and your brother-in-law will see he’s the only one still in it.

My boyfriend has erotic movies and a huge downloaded collection of porn. 

I don’t understand his fantasies. I’m happy with just him. Why can’t he get rid of it all and be happy with just me?

He says he’s completely happy but has a healthy fantasy life.

Am I wrong to feel intimidated by his viewing beautiful naked women engaging in sex?

- Can’t Understand

Your feelings aren’t “wrong,” they’re real and personal, which is why he should care. 

Many people have their private fantasies – they can often enhance a sexual relationship through increased passion. But when one partner watches porn even though the other feels upset or intimidated, it’s neither private nor helpful.

Instead, it becomes an obstacle between the couple, and a turnoff to one side.

Get past intimidation, and focus on empowerment. Tell your guy that what excites him, leaves you cold, which could end up a deal-breaker.