I'm a gay man in a nine-year loving relationship. Neither of us has been involved in the gay scene, which I believe has kept our relationship strong.
Recently, my partner informed me he's been talking to a man he had a crush on from school. He's torn because he doesn't want to lose me, but he's interested in continuing to talk to him, and still has feelings for him.
He said he knew if he went ahead, I’d cut ties. I’m devastated. I don't want to lose him.
But I can't stand by as a friend and watch him pursue a relationship with somebody else.
I'm even scared to force him to choose, because I'm scared he won't choose me.
He’s already chosen to pursue this other man, or wouldn’t have told you he wants to.
Your belief in strong relationships depending on fidelity is part of your character. You can’t abide his “test-run” with someone else.
Stand firm on your principles. Your relationship with him has already changed somewhat. Even if he doesn’t pursue the man, trust issues would need to be addressed.
I’m currently home with a work-injury disability. My husband of 35 years doesn’t help me at all. He says - he works, I’m home, so I must take of everything.
After work, he sits on his recliner and doesn’t move.
He doesn’t like my daughter’s boyfriend. She’s 32 and is happy; I see marriage in their future, but my husband badmouths him.
He makes fun of my son being gay though I’m great with it, since my son’s happy.
Recently, my son wanted to have friends over, but my husband made a big deal saying it’s his house, why does he have to have people here. When I didn’t agree, he tried to punch me.
I’m tired of this, but have barely a pension to survive on. My kids keep asking why I stayed married to him.
Get legally and financially informed. A divorce entitles you to a share of assets and some support from your husband. You need to see that you can manage on your own if you choose, especially if your children are helpful to you.
If he threatens you physically, leave and report him to police.
FEEDBACK Regarding the man who had a secret fling while away from his fiancée (Jan. 19):
Reader – “We married when my wife was 17, I was 22. I was a virgin and thought she was too.
Eight years later, she confessed she’d had sex with her boyfriend months before we met. They broke up shortly thereafter.
It didn’t bother me that much then.
I also knew him and he was a nice guy. I actually ran into them together. She and I remember it well since there was immediately something.
Our romance started five months later, when we met again at a party, both unattached.
Then, some years later, it DID start to bother me. I’ve been a one-woman man all my life; we’ve had a wonderful sex life and I couldn’t imagine anyone better nor want to betray my wife. She’s been the same.
But 50 years of marriage later, I wish she’d never told me her secret!
I’ve never told her about how I feel, and never will.
So I think it’s not worth the risk of the guy losing his fiancée by telling her about his fling. Better to risk her finding out from someone else.
Dear Readers – I’d suggested that critical mothers write encouragement and praise to their daughters (Jan. 12).
Here’s what one father wrote:
I’m so lucky and proud to have you as my daughter. I love you dearly, though we disagree on so many issues (especially on children’s vaccinations).
Your life has been different from what I’d hoped and wished for, yet you’ve turned out so well.
Your kids couldn't be nicer, and the two of us couldn't possibly be closer.
You’ve become an amazing woman, and any father would be so lucky to get the affection and love you’ve shown me.
I was stunned by your offer to take me into your home instead of considering a nursing home.
We’ve had a difficult past, but I couldn't love you more. I wish I could do more for you and make your life's journey less bumpy. Thank you for being in my life.
Tip of the day:
A committed relationship either remains faithful, or it’s forever changed and trust is affected.