I recently completed an intensive two-month course during which I was away from home.
Everyone participating was together almost 24-7, with meals, classes, and socializing.
I was drawn to a female colleague. She helped me get through a physically and mentally challenging program.
We’re both married. Nothing physical happened. But I find myself thinking of contacting her to see how she feels about me.
I’ve never cheated on my wife of 25 years, but keep finding myself thinking of possibilities. My wife has no idea.
This female’s a younger woman. I think some other people on the course suspect I’m drawn to her.
We shared some special moments, but I’m unsure if it was just friendship or more.
Fear kept me from acting and pursuing a relationship but I wonder if I missed out and if there’s a possible future involving her.
You say you keep “finding yourself” considering a relationship, but in fact you’re looking for a reason to pursue it.
Take a cold shower and think clearly: What are you risking if discovered, and how many people will suffer from your having an affair?
Also, how likely is she to leave a marriage for an older man who wants to cheat on his wife and family?
While these things do happen sometimes, they more often do NOT work out, but destroy many relationships and trust along the way.
Try having NO contact for a couple of months. Meanwhile, use your heightened arousal to stoke the fires at home. If you’ve previously taken your marriage for granted, boost your own contribution to it.
Know this: Your wife will find out, and other colleagues will gossip.
Dear Readers – Regarding the woman who feared that she’d contracted HPV and Herpes, from not having used condoms (Feb. 12):
In my response, I told her to get tested, follow with regular medical checkups, and learn how people with STIs can have safe sex.
I soon heard from a sexual health nurse who’s provided detailed expert findings that go much further. She wrote:
HPV and herpes are present on intact skin and mucosal areas that are not covered by a condom.
Condoms help but only decrease the risk of acquiring these infections by 50 - 60%.
As a result, 80% of sexually active people have already been exposed to HPV, for instance, even if unawares. The majority of people infected with these two infections will never develop symptoms, thus asymptomatically carry, and shed the virus.
Most experts estimate the prevalence of genital herpes (both strains) to be between 25 - 35%. Some 6% of people with HSV2 are aware that they carry the virus and probably even less people with genital HSV1 are aware.
Thus, a virgin could receive oral sex from another virgin, acquire HSV1, and thus have genital herpes. Therefore, having either of these infections does not mean that a person has had risky sex.
This is not true of other STIs such as Chlamydia, gonorrhea, HIV, or syphilis where condoms protect very well.
Unfortunately, every time someone has oral, genital, or anal sex with another person, with or without a condom, they run the risk of acquiring HPV or herpes.
This nurse strongly feels, “We need to discuss these infections as being the infections that most of us have, and what we can do to make sure we don't have any adverse consequences from them…” and thereby hopefully eliminate stigma about them.
I’m an active, married senior who’d like a date with someone understanding.
My husband’s in a long-term care facility and understands my plight.
I’m not looking for a bed partner, just a very nice man who’s lonely and can afford to take me out sometimes. That’s as far as it’d go.
I have a big interest in ballroom dancing and tango.
My husband and I danced seriously for 35 years.
My other interests: swimming, music, singing, and the outdoors.
You have the natural desire and right to an active life, which includes some male companionship, without sexual involvement.
But your wish for the man to pay adds a complication. Some men might misinterpret this to mean they get something beyond companionship in return.
Instead, join a community seniors’ group (usually inexpensive) that has dancing, music, singing, and nature walks as part of its activities. You’ll meet men there, without obligations.
Tip of the day:
Before you interpret intense work contact to indicate romance, weigh the risks of an affair.