I've been with my boyfriend for five-plus years. When we met, he was just getting out of a bad relationship. His ex had cheated on him multiple times. He still wasn't over her, but I stayed and he seemed to let it go.
Since then, his ex-girlfriend steadily calls, texts (even drunk texts) for a couple of weeks. She’ll disappear for months, and then repeat.
It makes me very uncomfortable. He insists there's nothing to worry about and ignores it. He states how much he dislikes her. He has her blocked on his cellphone but she finds ways to reach him.
Several months ago, after a really bad fight, he wanted time to himself. He went out for a couple of hours.
His ex’es boyfriend, whom she’d been with for awhile, died in a car accident last year.
When I recently confronted him about his “going out,” he said it was because his ex needed someone to talk to. This bugs me, greatly.
It almost degrades my confidence in myself. I feel I'm competing. I don't feel worthy, though I should. And he shouldn't have seen her nor hidden it.
She’d dated my guy for only eight months. She has family and friends to comfort her.
I'm stressed about it, because we just can't seem to get away. She's moving close to us and has even messaged me this news.
I don't know how to feel or act towards the move, or her.
Fed Up Girlfriend
Deal with your boyfriend, not her. He hasn’t strayed, but he hasn’t set limits either. After five years together, he cannot be her go-to person for comfort. He needs to tell her so, distance himself, and not respond when she calls and/or texts… especially not when he’s had a fight with you.
That only encourages her, and then affects you and your relationship further.
Her moving closer means this issue now needs final discussion and agreement. She should not be contacting you, as you two are not friends. Do not respond.
He must understand and respect your feelings about her intrusions, or she’ll continue. If that happens and he does nothing, you’re not “competing” but you ARE being disrespected by him; a sure signal for you to consider breaking up.
I’m not close with my sister. She’s lived on the west coast for 20 years, so hasn't gotten to know our east-coast kids, now 19 and 20.
Whenever I call her, she talks only of what she’s doing, and money matters. She never asks about the family. I don't remember if or when she sent our children a birthday card.
My wife doesn't care much about my sister, and I’m getting tired of her self-centeredness.
However, I’d like to find a way to get her to keep in touch with my family without causing hurt feelings. She gets defensive if criticized.
I don’t see your efforts towards connection beyond phone calls… visiting her, acknowledging birthdays and events in her life, having your kids email her. Perhaps all this has been tried….
If she’s “self-absorbed,” that’s not unusual when siblings don’t have common ground anymore. It takes two to maintain distance.
If you want a connection, make one. Send an email asking first about her life, and about people with whom she’s involved – partner, her own kids, best friend, etc.
After that, mention your own family, send photos and interesting information.
In other words, approach her out of a genuine desire to re-build family contact.
I have this huge crush on my best boy friend in my old school from which I’ve transferred.
I'm not really sure if he likes me as more than a friend, but it seems like he does.
Now that we’re attending different schools, we don't get to see each other often. So what should I do? Should I tell him about my crush? Or will that risk our friendship when I do get to see him?
Boy Trouble in Hong Kong
The only “trouble” is in your mind, as he’s still your friend. Not seeing him daily in school doesn’t have to change that. You can keep up contact if you’re both willing, and maybe extend invitations to some of each other’s school events.
But if you confess your crush, you put him on the spot, and he’ll possibly back away. It’s better to just let the friendship proceed naturally and see what happens.
Tip of the day:
Not setting limits on an ex’es intrusions, keeps a couple’s relationship shaky.