My wife and I are often not on the same page; we've been distant for a long time. It feels like two people living in the same house only by obligation as parents.

Many things happened in her family when she was young but none of her family wants to do anything about it. So I get frustrated, especially when she talks to them and they act like nothing ever happened.

They're protecting (someone).

If it were my family, I'd take some legal action...

But my wife keeps everything inside. It really affects our relationship and me and I don't think she realizes it.

Upset

You are carrying your wife's burden for her, which shows deeper feeling than an "obligation" to stay together.

Unfortunately, your pain over her deep emotional problems isn't helping either of you.

You can't force her to open up or turn against her family. It seems there was abuse in various forms, but if you push her before she's ready to confront it, she'll likely turn against you instead.

Go yourself to a professional therapist to talk about dealing with a spouse who's in denial about her past. Talk about how to improve your relationship together, without pushing across sensitive boundaries. Tell your wife about the positive things you learn about communication, and let her see the benefits. Hopefully, it'll attract her to seeking help herself.

But if the distancing persists, you'll eventually need to alert her that there's a shadow over your marriage - and any other relationship she has, even with the children - that won't go away until she faces it down herself with a process of therapy.

My husband has this "friend" whom I don't like at all. We've gotten into bad arguments about this "friend."

We live in an apartment building, and the guy knows everyone! I believe he's a bad seed, hanging out with thieves and drug addicts.

I've told my husband repeatedly that I don't like his friend asking us for money or coming over all the time. We have a family on the way, and I think the man has got to go!

But, how do I tell my husband in a nice positive way that his friend is a loser and needs to be dumped?!? I don't want my relationship with the father of my child taken away by this man. I've already been turned off, and I want our spark back.

Worried Sick

Okay, he's a freeloader, but a "bad seed"? Unless you know he's hanging out with criminals and druggies, your reaction may be turning off your husband, who's trying to be a decent guy to a pal who's in need.

I do understand that your growing maternal instinct is on high alert, but going on the attack and ordering the man dumped, is no way to win your husband's understanding.

After all, for this friendship to actually harm your relationship, you must be obsessing about it rather than trying to talk it through.

Be open with him, and yourself, about the feelings pregnancy naturally arouses - a need for closer bonding as a couple, some fears for the future including insecurity over keeping the baby safe, etc.

Instead of focusing on this man as the enemy, give your attention to your relationship together.

As for helping his friend, if it's not affecting your household budget, forget it. Trust your husband to know when to stop giving.... so long as you don't make it a power struggle between you.

I'm 44, a healthy, active, dad whose child, three, doesn't live with me full-time. I've never been married.

How do I meet a woman/lady to be so-called "friends with benefits" who has common interests, and is willing to build a respectful relationship? I don't want a serious commitment because of my lifestyle, budget, and time with my son.

Seeking

Let's put it plainly: You want to get laid regularly with someone who likes books or art or tennis (whatever is your interest) but won't care that there's no future in it. Place an ad.

But if you want advice, get real. There are lots of women who may say that's okay with them, but eventually, you'll either end up in some married woman's messy affair, or in an angry breakup with a woman who thought she could change your mind.

Open your mind, and you may find a relationship worth keeping.