I’m a male, 45, whose wife is having an outrageous affair with a married man with children, but she hasn’t told our friends that this is why we’ve separated. They all think I’m the bad guy because I moved out of the house eight months ago, and started dating someone just recently. 

Meanwhile, she’s been meeting this guy when she supposedly travels “for work.” No one questions that she’s been on the road more than ever before!

I’ve kept her dirty secret because of our kids, but I’m sick of being maligned by everyone, including them.

Should I spill the beans?

- Silently Fuming

Stay on the high road of keeping mum; it’s the route that maintains decency and self-respect. 

Trust me, the truth eventually emerges somehow. It’s enough that your children will one day realize what went on, without their having to hear it from you, and always resent your being the messenger. Just keep telling them that you love them and that the separation is between you and their mother, and not their fault. That’s the assurance kids need most.

As for friends, tell them you’re the same guy you always were, and that they should know that it’s impossible to really know or judge what went on in the privacy of a marriage.

One warning: There’s no need to make your children too aware of your dating one person, until more dust settles from this break-up.

I’m a nice person - friendly, funny, lively, always cheerful, helpful, not “needy” and fairly strong. Yet in 20 years living in this country, through various jobs, and volunteering, I have yet to make a friend. Why? 

I’m alone, no family, a middle-aged woman who apparently isn’t worth anyone’s personal time. The only time I’m ever contacted is when someone needs something done for them. Yet I’ve extended invitations to many people.

I was diagnosed with cancer, and of all of the people I know from work, not one has called or emailed to ask, “How are you?”

I’ve tried so hard in the past to make friends, to be accepted even on a casual basis, but now have stopped trying anymore.

- Outside Looking In

No matter what has happened in the past, this is an important time for you to focus on the present and your emotional health. 

A cancer diagnosis is a frightening blow, even if the prognosis for getting better is good. Almost every cancer condition, from breast cancer to colon to ovarian, has an association that provides information, resources, and knowledge about support groups.

People who know what you’re going through from their own experience will care, if you reach out. Call a local cancer organization NOW!

On the other hand, your co-workers may be holding back due to the awkwardness some people have about cancer. They may fear they’ll invade your privacy, or make you sad, or have no idea how to handle such a conversation. You can make it easier for them, if you care for the chat and/or company, by being open about your condition, as well as about wanting to stay in touch.

What does one say to co-workers who come to work with runny, infectious colds, and act like martyrs?

- Fed Up

Say you’re not impressed. These people are exposing others to illness, and their only “martyr’s” cause is often wrong-headed self-promotion. 

Even if their particular job doesn’t allow for paid sick days, they risk getting sicker and losing more income.

I’ve always thought that there was a shortage of single men around, but I now always hear about men who think that there are a shortage of single women. So why don’t these people ever meet?

- Curious

People who constantly mention the “shortage” of prospective dates/mates, are rarely those willing to take themselves to new venues, join new activities and try new adventures, to disprove their self-serving factoid. 

Some use it as an excuse to stay home and whine about no men or women around; some use it to justify staying in unsatisfying relationships; still others find it a reason to permit themselves to date married people or others whom they know will never be available to them.

Meanwhile, the vast majority of singles who are active, upbeat, open to new experiences and unbiased about people in general, do meet people they can date, or enjoy going out with as friends.