This man and I met at a party I’d been invited to by my close girlfriend.
We’ve been seeing each other for a month - a casual, physical relationship.
Recently, he said that a couple of years ago, he and my girlfriend had once kissed. She expressed interest in him, but he turned her down.
She’s since been in a relationship with someone else.
Do I continue my relationship with him or am I trespassing and betraying my really good friend?
Conflicted in London
If you keep up the relationship, she may suspect that you heard about his rejection of her, and feel humiliated.
So tell her that you started seeing him, but had only just learned that they once had some brief history.
She may laugh it off or not care at all. But if she has a strong reaction, then decide if this casual relationship is worth losing her friendship.
I’ve been married for 37 years and don’t know if I want to be married anymore.
My sister-in-law hates me and I don’t know why.
Three years ago, when a family member passed away, I went to represent my family as my husband works night shifts.
We were all standing outside talking to people and relatives that we don’t see often. My sister-in-law invited everyone back to her house for coffee, but not me.
I felt left out and upset, and walked to my car alone. Many people called out, “aren’t you coming?”
My niece noticed and told her mom (my SIL). I later told my husband. But he never questioned his sister about it.
He said that if I had a problem, maybe I should speak to her.
She heard from family members that I was upset. We haven’t spoken since.
At family weddings, I’ve been cordial and say hello. No response. Again, my husband says nothing.
We just had a funeral and because my husband doesn’t see this sister that often, he went to sit with her, leaving me alone.
I was almost in tears. People asked me to sit with them.
My husband doesn’t stick up for me. He always avoids this conversation.
My kids tell him he should speak to his sister about me. His response is that she’s fine with him.
I’m resenting my husband and may stop going to places where I have to see her.
Thirty-seven years - more than enough time to know the nature of your husband, his response to family, his reactions to stress.
He doesn’t want confrontation… and I’m guessing he’s always been that way.
Now you want him to challenge his sister for her rudeness to you three years ago, and her continued ignoring of you socially.
It’s not going to happen.
So the real question is this: What are you going to do about it? Break up your own family of husband and adult kids?
Sure, you can stop attending family events, but that’ll insult the relatives who support you.
You can be as rude as your nasty SIL, but that’ll put you on her level.
Instead, every time you walk in with your head held high and talk to decent people without overt rudeness to her, you put yourself on a higher plane.
At the funeral, he could’ve gone to acknowledge her, then returned to sit with you. He doesn’t have that sensitivity. Or the courage to insult her.
But that doesn’t make a marriage breakup a better solution for you.
I’ve been very loyal to my partner of 20 years (both seniors). We don’t live together but I feel we’re monogamous.
Recently, I mentioned marriage and he laughed in my face.
I was really hurt that he doesn’t care about me.
I supply all food, cook, clean, and wash. He never posts pictures of us together on Facebook. I think maybe he’s pursuing younger women.
He’s mostly at my home; I’ve been to his only three times.
It’ll be a painful break-up for me. Also our racial problem’s a serious difficulty sometimes.
Should I Move On??
You’re together a lot, and there’s no evidence that he’s pursuing others.
You’ve given a lot of yourself, but hopefully got companionship and affection in return.
You’ve also both managed the racial issue somehow.
Yes, his response was hurtful. Explain that you want mutual commitment and financial protections and that neither are laughing matters.
Make this a conversation, not a request.
Tip of the day:
If it’s apparent that a close friendship will be lost over a casual fling, choose wisely.